Can you REALLY find true friends at your workplace?

Perhaps. Perhaps not...

For some, the most intimate of friendships take root during one's formative years - in schools, colleges, universities. There is something deeply intimate about those 'you jump-I jump' pacts that, many believe, cannot be replicated later in life. Certainly not at a workplace. Exploring the possibility of finding 'true' friendships at work in a 2015 article for The Guardian, writer Oliver Burkeman noted, "Work is about getting things done, so your values are inevitably linked to what you contribute. A close friendship, by contrast, is valuable precisely because it's not transactional, in any measurable way. It's a commitment to be there regardless. This tension leads to awkwardness, as when an office friend's shoddy work makes your work harder, or when he or she is suddenly your boss."

There might be considerable truth to this claim, but the readers of Khaleej Times seem to think differently. According to a Twitter poll conducted by us, 55 per cent respondents agreed that it is possible to find 'best' friends at work, while 45 per cent thought otherwise. One of the oft-stated reason was that, in the UAE, which boasts of a sizeable expat population, bonds are easily formed. Cite Burkeman's argument to 27-year-old Huzaif Habeeb and he is likely to dismiss it. Working in the energy sector, Habeeb not only shares a great camaraderie with his colleagues who come from different parts of India, he also lives with some of them. Whisper the word 'competition', and he concedes that he is competitive with his colleagues but only when it comes to sports and debating a political topic.
With the modern workplace having undergone a change in the past decade, have the codes of conduct between co-workers relaxed? Can your favourite person at work also be your best friend? Do these friendships - born partly out of the need for companionship at work - come with their own caveats?
The Modern Workplace
A typical workplace in the private sector is no longer as 'typical' as it is imagined to be. As a 2013 article in Bloomberg noted, "The current state of our economy has transformed the workplace and how we manage our careers. Even if you get a job, it's not stable and you won't be staying with the same employer for life. The only thing that's certain in today's modern workplace is that you cannot rely on anyone or anything - you have to be accountable for your career and to take charge of your life."

Add to this the fact that most modern workplaces have ceased to be a 9-5 routine with many endorsing the 'work-from-home' model, and you are likely to conclude that best of friendships cannot be formed at work. But what about those industries where a shift system is, for all practical purposes, only applicable on paper? In effect, your work hours can exceed beyond the stipulated time, which could mean that you might see more of the colleague sitting across your cubicle than your spouse. In such a scenario, it is obvious that a bond will begin to form between two employees. The question then is, do these need-based relationships qualify as friendships? Psychologist Devika Singh Mankani points out that any relationship that entails multiple dimensions can carry potential challenges. "There tends to be an attitude of survival of the fittest at work and so the closer the corporate roles are, the higher the risk. There is a flip side to this as well, where individuals in the same roles can align and support each other very well. The two factors here are corporate culture and individual personality. When the corporate culture is founded on the philosophy of positive relationships, there is a foundation for positive emotions and healthy relationships."

The Competition
Jostling for the same slice of pie may not exactly be the most conducive environment to form intimate bonds, but sometimes it can ease things professionally. A case in point are Tara Basrur and Anushka Kadam, both working as PR and communication professionals at APCO Worldwide. Tara and Anushka had worked together before the former joined APCO . "I was keen on working with Anushka and referred her for a position," remembers Tara. What began as a bonding between two single women over ladies nights, small bites and blowing off some steam over an issue at work blossomed into a friendship of a lifetime. They worked on several accounts together and while one would have thought that a sense of competitiveness would prevail, both Tara and Anushka insist that it was the other way around. "It helps to have someone you can be close to at work. Sometimes, you need a piece of professional advice that you can't seek from your boss. Sometimes, you need to blow off some steam," jokes Tara, even as Anushka adds that understanding a co-worker at a personal level helps you tackle an issue better with the line between formality and informality being trodden carefully. Today, both Tara and Anushka are new mothers; even though they no longer hang out after work, their friendship remains as strong as ever.
As Mankani points out, any bond formed at work somewhere relies on the kind of environment an organisation provides to its employees. If it isn't hostile, and the system of rewarding an employee is based on merit and meticulously charted, there is a good chance that even the sense of competition between employees will be healthy. However, what if these friendships come in the way of work? The UAE-based human resource professional Sneha Saini offers a slightly different perspective. "There is a very old saying in HR, 'Employees don't leave companies; they leave their managers.' It is important to foster an amicable environment at office, which not only boosts the psychological needs of employees but also lessens the attrition ratio. There is no concrete evidence that specifically shows that office friendships can come in the way of work; however, you cannot turn a blind eye to it. It depends on the employees and the degree to which they are involved."
Genuine friendships - whether at work or outside - don't come easy. While you may never know what clicks between two people for them to become the best of friends, it would suffice to say that it's all good as long as it lasts!
anamika@khaleejtimes.com