Farewell, so long, auf wiedersehen, goodbye. Oh, just go!

Bidding farewell to loved ones can be a dramatic exercise

People say such wondrously foolish things when they say goodbye.
I am good, just leave me at the gate. No, no, we cannot do that, we'll come up to check in,
no problem.
Now we are forced to talk.
Don't forget to message that you have landed (sure, unless we crash, in which case don't hold your breath).
Got your ticket? (No, man, I am standing here in the queue because the view is good.)
We will miss you. (Now you tell me, I could have stayed another week, you are the one who said guests are like fish, three days is the limit, else they begin to stink.)Okay, take care of yourself (oh, if you say so, I was planning on slashing my wrists, but now I won't since I have made a pledge to you).
Give our love to everyone. (The tinker, the tailor, the soldier, the sailor, the rich man, the poor man, anyone left out.)
Did you get a window or an aisle? (Whaaaat!!!! Does it matter, but now they will get into the merits and demerits of one versus the other and so much for the love.)
Have you got your passport? (No, I left it in the bathroom, oh shucks, we will have to go back home and miss the flight and I can stay another week). This comment will spark a recall of so-and-so, who lost his passport in Geneva and someone will say it wasn't Geneva, it was Amsterdam or was it London and you want to say, he lost it, right, poor guy, does it matter where?
What's the flying time, really five hours, I thought it was six unless you have tail winds? (Why don't you just go and stop with the science lesson?) All these remarks, by the way, are punctuated by frequent hugs and handclasps and 'come agains'; then there is the inevitable little child who is told to say "bye bye" to 'inkkle' and kid says, no way, yucky, and begins to wail and there is all this cajoling of the kid and the mother says, usually she is very friendly and I think she is tired, and you know what, I don't really care and I see no reason why you should have brought her to the airport in the first place but then she has to be appeased so one of the group chugs off to get her a chocolate from the novelty shop at three times the price. but will the kid shut up? No way.
Then someone says, so what time do you land and you want to say, are you kidding, do you really care, do you care, is that all you can think of, but now there is a confab on time zones and the 'profound one' says yes, but point to point takes 10 hours and everyone nods wisely as if the Oracle has just added a P.S. to its discoveries.
Every now and then, there is that ultra-smart 10-year-old (just like his grandfather) and this apple of the family eye, who now says, I think it's a 737-900 not an Airbus 320 and his Mummy and Daddy beam with pride and you are standing there thinking, why did they come, why didn't I just take a cab and why don't they just go?
If you think airports are bad, try railway stations. The whole larger fam fetches up and you stand there making inane conversation.
Does it pass through Jhansi? (Would it matter, you are not going on it, I am, you are going home to your humdrum life, let me worry about it.) But this will start a debate about the route and the food service and how it has improved and I think it goes via Vijayawada, I am sure (dude, it can go via Jamshedpur for all it matters, let it go).
And someone will say, better get on, the green signal is lit and the train will move 10 yards and stop again and everyone will laugh fatuously and pick up the ragged threads of the chat show on the platform.
Then you will get off and the mandatory baby will be told to give kisseee to inkkle and the baby will stay passionately obstinate and the mother will say usually she is very demonstrative, come on, darling, inkkle is going on choochoo and you are thinking, maybe I can bribe the guard and we can push off right now because this opera is getting very sticky.
Then suddenly, sans warning, the train will scoot off and you'll be hanging out of the door waving with relief as they fade into the distance and the last thing you see will be Mama holding baby's hand and shoving it up and down in a parody of a wave because the little darling (the baby, not the mother) is usually such a delight and loves sending flying kisses. sure, all the way to Jhansi.
Moral of this story: don't stand around when you are dropping someone travelling. Just drop and go.
wknd@khaleejtimes.com