Here's why you should eat in Dubai restaurants 5 times a week

I really do try and surprise people by cooking for them at home, but the fire trucks outside keep spoiling it. If my last attempt at lasagne is anything to go by, let's just say, if asked to highlight my culinary skills on an episode of MasterChef, flambé would almost certainly be my go-to move whether called for or not. Perhaps I'm being a tad harsh. I'm actually quite proficient in the kitchen. Everybody loves toast and near-expired Hoisin sauce, right? For dinner? Well, you have to around my house, as on the rare occasion I find myself in, that's pretty much all the cupboards have to offer.
Contrary to popular/my parents' belief the reticence to engage in any pot and pan action does not stem from laziness. Nor, despite my facetious previous remarks, is it a complete absence of ability. No, the reasons are two-fold. One, I don't like shopping, so never have any ingredients in stock. More importantly, since moving to the UAE from Britain, I have experienced a cultural shift in attitudes to eating out, which will forever be difficult to shake. Namely, I dine in restaurants about five times a week. And I get away with it!
 Allow me to explain why this is revolutionary. In the UK, a strong restaurant culture has only truly emerged in the last 20 years. Thus, growing up, finding a decent place to eat was difficult enough. Often given the distances involved, actually going back there was an occasion to be celebrated. Like Charlie Sheen realising he's on his way up to a Las Vegas hotel room, knowing we'd been packed into the car for a return visit to the fabled steakhouse, Italian or whatever it may have been, provoked involuntary drooling and a feral scratching of the doors. You may believe such a reaction to be, what's the word - bananas - but any break from the monotony of eating at your home dinner table night after night and trying something new would get any British child as excitable as Buddy in Elf.
 And so it was ingrained from a young age. Venturing to an eatery, in my mind, has always been a treat. You put in the graft at home and once in a while reward yourself by paying a bit more for some poor soul to slave over a hot stove and hopefully produce a dish better than your proficiency dictates. It has always made both health and financial sense. Until moving to Dubai, where patronising the thousands of restaurants is a way of life. A lifestyle I have wholeheartedly embraced.
 It began slowly. A nip down to somewhere close-by in the Marina here, a sly ducking into a place on the way back from work there - it was controllable. I was just adjusting and working late meant cooking could be forsaken for another night. Then it was the weekend and you have to have fun at the weekend, don't you? The behaviour and excuses have only escalated over the years. This dismal willpower is how batting an average of five restaurants a week soon became the norm. A favourite taste of home was always Bob's Fish & Chips, for example. And then there's Eat Greek at The Beach. Oh, and Busaba Eathai... as you can tell, the variety of cuisine was what drew me in. Like Leo DiCaprio browsing through a Victoria's Secret catalogue, the thought of sampling everything is what's most appealing. Thankfully, being a restaurant reviewer for this publication has allowed me to eat at and write about over 150 properties.
 Yet, what are the drawbacks? Why should eating out a lot matter? Well, financially it is an unsound practice. The weekly budget does take a bit of a pounding leading to cutbacks elsewhere. Like a hero, I forewent a gym membership saving Dhs800 per month, all of which goes on dinners out.
It's so much cheaper to shop for the staples and mash them into a meal with your own hands. Even options at run-of-the-mill places soon mount up. A decent Vietnamese snack at Hanoi in JLT this week cost Dhs60. Not much in the grand scheme of things, but when you take into account you could probably make four meals for the same price at home, economically, you're never going to win any arguments. Then there are the bragging rights. Cooking is 'in'. While friends are browsing for walnut chopping boards and AGAs, I genuinely forgot how to boil rice the other day.
Will such a fall from grace force me to turn over a new leaf, though? Did Charlie Sheen? Now where did I leave that restaurant guide?
David is a former fortune-teller who was forced to retire due to unforeseen circumstances. He now writes.
 david@khaleejtimes.com