The Good Wife

Did you ever read that circular that went viral around the int-ernet about the 1950s housewife? It flashes in front of me as I doze off while I lay nursing my baby to sleep. I want to get him tucked in good and proper so I can finish my work for the day.

I have deadlines pending for two editors — one for my writing and the other my food photography. I can get only so much work done during the day with my son in my lap, cooing, banging and drooling on my keyboard, especially on a day like today when we are alone together. In between, I attend to minor housekeeping matters as he 
allows. Whatever chores left undone will wait until I have help tomorrow or if my husband is able chip in tonight.

I am the face of modern wifehood.

Now back to that article. While it turns out to not likely have been published in 1955 as it claims, I believe the tenets were widely accepted in those days — like “have dinner ready ”, and “at the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum,” after all “a good wife knows her place.” You catch the drift.

This is the drivel our mothers and grandmothers were raised on. They were taught that to be “good wives” was to attend to the whim and fancy of their husbands while staying home and catering to the home and children.

Then came the feminism of the 1960s and 1970s. Women started to rebel against the image of the doting, immaculately dressed Stepford Wife with perfect coiffed curls and a clean, heavily starched apron turning off the stove to lavish dinners nightly, just as the husband walked through the door. A mixture of feminism, education and economics made the college-educated woman feel that her role was not to be 
confined to the home.

Many women opted to work as well, while grandmothers and other caregivers were assigned to attend to the children and housekeeping services paid for. Often times, these women would come home along with their husbands after a long day’s work and still took on full housekeeping duties solo while the men took off their shoes and unwound in front of the television with a cold drink in hand.

Taking care of house and kids still rested squarely on the overburdened shoulders of the modern working woman.

I am from the generation of her children. We girls who saw our mothers take on what we perceived to be an unfair share of housework — and that the gender divide made working mothers slaves in their own kitchens — made a few silent vows. It was either going to be one of a few things in our future: 1. We would refuse get married and focus on our careers 2. If and when we finally did get married, we would have a full time nanny and maid on staff 3. We would have to find men who were more evolved in their thinking and willing to share housework and childcare.

As a result, most of my generation of women put off marriage until later, choosing the freedom of the single professional life. We have developed strong identities that have nothing to do with being the wife who cleans, cooks and bakes all day without recognition or praise. We are very aware of the fact that housework must be done, but place a value on that work and demand that others in our households do as well.

We may hire persons to attend to our homes and help take care of our children, because we now have a choice. We can work outside the home, within the home or from home, as virtual offices and freelancing offers more opportunities for those of us who spent years building careers and still find work outside the home a crucial part of our identities.

Mothers who chose to be full-time caregivers still have the right to get help from others for her work in the home.

And you know what happens when housework is valued? Women get help! Family members start to help and where possible, outside help is sought. We have time and energy to go the extra mile. We take pride in our contribution to the home rather than secretly resent it. So this means dinner can be lavish a few days of the week, lunch boxes can be fun and healthy, and cooking can reclaim its place as an art of expression rather than just another chore to tick off on a long list of things during the week.

I am grateful for all the women in the generations before me who have worked their socks off, so that I can have a more evolved view of myself as a woman, wife and mother. I am the modern wife, thanks to you!