Ask the therapist: Are you guilt-tripped by your parents?

My parents, who live in India, often guilt-trip me about not being around them when they’re ageing and more vulnerable. It makes me feel as though I’m irresponsible. I do make it a point to check on them every now and then, and would visit them often before Covid halted travel. How do I tackle it? — Name Withheld

Dear Writer, it is hard when family members live far from each other, and I understand how uncomfortable you must feel being guilt-tripped by your ageing parents. I wonder if they guilt-tripped you when you were still visiting on a regular basis. We all have to keep in mind that Covid-19 has impacted us on all levels, including our freedom to travel as we please. Maybe you could remind you parents that you want to see them, but you can’t under the current circumstances.

I also suggest that you check on them in more regular intervals. This will establish a regular pattern of contact rather than them not knowing when you will touch base again.

As an adult, you have chosen to move to Dubai, and I am certain you had compelling reasons to do this. On the other hand, your parents have the expectation that you should be nearby to look after them. This is a problem so many families face, even if they live in the same neighbourhood. The question is how to solve this problem.