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Look out for signs of bullying in your child

JJ, who was a bright student, suffered academically - her grades dropped, many of her friends left her out and she fell into depression.

Are you seeing changes in the behaviour of your child? Is he or she getting quieter, anxious and is not able to enjoy things he used to love? If yes, chances are your child is being bullied - either in school or online.
Grade 7 student JJ was bullied for at least six months by none other than her close friends.
"We were a group of six girls and two of them were quite popular. Taking advantage of their popularity, they would shame others, manipulate them and cause too much distress among the group. They said insulting things; made fun of how I and some of my friends looked; and started spreading rumours about us in the whole school. They even started bullying me on social media by putting up insulting wallpapers with my name on them," she said.
JJ, who was a bright student, suffered academically - her grades dropped, many of her friends left her out and she fell into depression. This is when her parents took notice and complained to the school. The school tried to patch things up but it did not help, until JJ's parents took charge of the situation.
"I think the best decision in this case was that I opened about it to my mom and dad and they took the matter seriously. During such situations, I feel the most important thing is that you need someone to listen to what you have to say. I just needed someone to be there for me and comfort me, and my parents did just that.
"They informed the school management and told them that if the issue was not resolved soon, they would go to the higher authorities, which is when the school called and warned the parents of the girls who were involved in the bullying. They eventually moved to another school."
JJ's mother said: "I could see a considerable amount of change in my daughter's behaviour. She got very quiet, which is not her usual self, and it was when I saw her cry in the car one day that I asked her to open up. I stayed calm and understood at once that she was being bullied, I and my husband then counselled her and spoke to her every day, guiding her on what to do. We made sure that she shared everything with us. We then spoke to the school."
Sharing a piece of advice, JJ's mum said it is important for parents to give their kids the attention they need; listen to them; bond with them; give them love and support; and not to scold or scream at them impulsively.
"I also ensured that I do not speak ill of the other girls who bullied my daughter because I knew that it was due to their internal family issues and lack of attention that these girls had become bullies. We later learnt that their parents never gave them time, or heard what they had to say, and this agitated them and caused a lot of anger. Every child has a different behaviour, depending on their upbringing."
Clinical psychologist Ira Naeem said she receives different types of bullying cases, ranging from verbal, physical, relational to cyberbullying.
"Bullying is basically a pattern of harming and humiliating others, specifically those who are in some way smaller, weaker, younger or in any way more vulnerable than the bully. Bullies are not born, they are raised. It's a learned behaviour used in response to stress, an attempt to gain superiority or control over another," said Naeem.
She said studies show that bullies lack pro-social behavior and do not understand others' feelings. "The household of bullies usually lack empathy and adequate supervision, that's why the aggressive tendencies for the child grow until he starts bullying his friends."
Naeem said that although schools are doing more to deal with bullying, parents are still the key players who can empower kids to prevent and put an end to the practice.
"The small steps that parents take can help prevent their child from becoming a bully. These include giving your child time; analysing his or her behaviour; monitoring their emotions like anger, frustration, insecurities, etc.; learning about your child's social life; and encouraging them to behave well and be good to all," she said.
saman@khaleejtimes.com