KT for Good: Are parents putting too much pressure on teens?

Teens tend to take extreme steps out of fear of disappointing their parents.- Alamy Image

Overwhelmed with all the As, the hearts and likes they 'have' to get, today's youth are struggling. They need help, but find themselves scrambling blindly for support. Part four of for good #Here4U focuses on parental pressure on adolescents, which puts a strain on the whole family.
Unknowingly or knowingly, parents tend to put a lot of pressure on their teenagers to succeed - be it academically or socially, a cross-section of students, parents and mental health experts in the UAE told Khaleej Times. Parenting stress puts a strain on the whole family.
While the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry identifies school demands and frustrations, negative thoughts or feelings about themselves, changes in their bodies and problems with friends and/or peers at school as some of the major external stress factors. Family is also a major source of stress for youngsters.
Sneha John, a child and adolescent psychologist with LifeWorks Holistic Counselling Centre, said: "Parents have a different set of expectations from their children, who also have their own set of expectations. Due to this, the pressure they put on the children takes a huge toll on them. In most cases, the child is not in the same page as the parent. This creates a huge gap between the parent and the child."
Sneha said teens tend to take extreme steps out of fear of disappointing their parents. "One of the common things teens tell us is that 'I don't want to disappoint my parents'. Students are struggling with studies and even their friends, and instead of comforting them, parents sometimes coerce them to work harder." Parents have their own set of problems and don't think their children's problems are important enough.

Parents in denial
A 2018 survey from Caron Treatment Centers, a US-based drug and alcohol residential treatment centre, revealed that both teens and their parents feel immense pressure to perform in their lives, with the majority citing a 'seven' on average (on a 10-point scale). Surprisingly, the survey also found that parents are unaware or in denial that their teens view them - not their peers - as the most significant external trigger for pressure.
Sneha said: "I wouldn't say that they are entirely unaware that they are putting pressure on their kids, but they are so overwhelmed with their own pressure and problems that they get blinded on the child's issues. Parents say that they have bigger problems, so the child has to study. In many cases, parents don't know how to help their child."
Prateeksha Shetty, clinical psychologist at the counselling and psychology unit, RAK Hospital, said: "There is a rise in cases of mental health, particularly among teenagers and young adults. Globally, mental illness is reported more and more in younger population for varied reasons, including pressure from family."
Parents speak
Khaleej Times reached out to some parents in Dubai who said taking care of teens requires help from close family and the community at large. L.P, an Indian parent, said: "I have a son in Grade 11. Since my husband is back home in India, I've been handling him alone since he entered his teenage. Initially, it was a challenge. However, over time, he understood our situation and adjusted accordingly."
A majority of the parents Khaleej Times reached out to said they did pressure their children to do well academically. "Though I used to pressure him initially, I realised later that it does more harm than good. It is also important to spend quality time with family. Interaction with family members and grandparents have helped a lot," said L.P.
Rashid Mustafa, a KT reader, said: "It is not just students who need to undergo counselling. Parents must also regularly meet school counsellors or professional counsellors." dhanusha@khaleejtimes.com

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Dhanusha Gokulan

dhanusha@khaleejtimes.com