It's funny that Indian PM Modi is not over the moon yet

History will never forgive the Indian National Congress. The grand old party kept control of the second most populated country 90 per cent of the time since independence. Still it took a five-year-old government of Prime Minister Narendra Modi to unravel some hair-raising facts about my motherland. We weren't aware the Kohinoor Diamond was not the only treasure that was taken off our shores. There are other "gems" of inventions and discoveries whose parenthood was stolen from the venerable Indians.
Nationalism is throbbing in my chest as the Bharatiya Janata Party's Biplab Kumar Deb, Chief Minister of Tripura, says the Internet existed in the days of the Mahabharata and the Europeans and Americans were wrong in claiming the invention. Now I doubt my parents ever read the Mahabharata. They never told me this.
"Internet and satellite communication had existed in the days of the Mahabharata. Sanjaya (the charioteer of king Dhritarashtra) used the technology to give a detailed account and description to the blind king about the battle of Kurukshetra," says Deb.
I am so proud to be an Indian, though I had to wait a lifetime, to learn that Modiji "reinvented" the Mahabharata technology in 1988 to take a picture of veteran leader LK Advani using a digital camera and transmit the colour image by e-mail.
I am also so proud to know from Deb that it's the civil engineers - not mechanical engineers - who have the experience and knowledge to construct administration and society. "One should not opt for civil services after studying mechanical engineering." I am so grateful for the information which I would pass down to my grandchildren so that they could be great nation builders.
I am so proud to hear from Minister of State for HRD Satyapal Singh that it was an Indian called Shivakar Babuji Talpade who invented airplanes eight years before the Wright brothers did. The former Mumbai Police commissioner rues that Indian engineers are not taught about ancient Indian discoveries and inventions such as the mythical Pushpak Viman, which is mentioned in the Ramayana. What an idea sirji!
I am so proud to hear from Andhra University Vice-Chancellor G Nageshwar Rao that the modern guided missiles were developed from the Rama's astras and shastras and Vishnu's Sudardhan Chakra which chased targets and came back after the mission was accomplished.
Patriotism is shooting through my veins when I hear from Gujarat Chief Minister Vijay Rupani that the Isro missiles India launches today are developed from the concept of Ram's arrows.
Needless to say I am so proud to know from various BJP leaders that genetic science existed in ancient India. According to Uttar Pradesh Deputy Chief Minister Dinesh Sharma, deity Sita, the wife of Rama, was the first test tube baby in the world. He says it was proved beyond doubt as Sita was found in an earthen pot when King Janaka was ploughing a field.
I am so proud to hear from Modiji himself that Ganesha was the first ever example of plastic surgery. He also believes Karna, a character of the epic Mahabharata was born due to genetic engineering.
Nationalism is exploding in my heart when I finally learn that India conducted nuclear test hundreds of thousands of years ago. I must thank BJP MP from Hardwar and former Uttarakhand CM Ramesh Pokhriyal Nishank for the bombastic knowledge that a sage had conducted a nuclear test "lakhs of years ago".
I am proud to have been born Hindu when I have the revelation from former Rajasthan education and panchayati raj minister Vasudev Devnani that the cow is the only animal which inhales and exhales oxygen, so ailments like cold and cough can be healed by going near a cow.
Devnani deserves a Bharat Ratna for discovering that the law of gravity was, in fact, discovered by Indian scientist Brahmagupta II one thousand years before Issac Newton. I am so proud to be an Indian and lucky to have been not hit by the unpatriotic Newton apple.
I must curse various Congress governments for missing an opportunity to uplift India's millions of poor through "yogic farming" that could boost agriculture production. India needed to wait until 2015 to learn it from Union Minister of Agriculture Radha Mohan Singh that soil fertility can be boosted and "seeds can be empowered" by adopting "yogic farming".
"We should enhance the potency of seeds by rays of Parmatma Shakti". What a colossal waste of time, Nehruji. History will never forgive you for your failure to empower the farmer when technology was readily available since ancient times. You should have listened to Keshav Baliram Hedgewar instead of Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi.
It's a pity that the Indian Air Force had to learn from Modiji, a former tea seller, that it takes only a few cumulus clouds to dodge air radars. Modiji, I will hang up my boots if you ever say it was the Pushpak Viman, not the Mirage-2000 combat jets, that bombed the militant hideout in Pakistan's Balakot.
Modiji, I must also warn you that Pinarayi Vijayan's Kerala will unleash a tsunami of protests if you ever claim it was you who sold the legendary sulaimani tea to astronaut Neil Armstrong on the moon. That's the limit. Come May 23, the Indian voter may have an antidote for your verbal diarrhea.
suresh@khaleejtimes.com