A gift from me... to me

It was a colleague who first familiarised me with the concept of self-gifting. A birthday cake for herself. New shoes to cheer herself up. A cookie because she did something good. A new outfit because, as she put it so succinctly, she deserved it. Is it odd to say I'd never met anyone who thought like that in all my years? Perhaps, considering the self-gifting trend has been really taking off of late.
Although the festive season is usually a time to power through shopping lists for others, a survey released by US-based NPD Group last year is just one indication of how there's a definite shift in the air, as far as holiday shopping is concerned. The survey of over 3,000 respondents found that 40 per cent of those polled were "considering" gifting themselves, while 19 per cent of consumers "definitely" intended to spend more on themselves during the holiday season. And multiple factors are driving this most recent avatar of retail therapy.
Me before thee
There may have been a time when buying yourself a gift would've been considered nothing short of frivolous. But that time was not 2018. At the close of yet another year, society is not just forgiving of such attitudes, it is welcoming them. After all, there is far more emphasis on individuality and glorification of the self today than has ever been: one only needs to wander onto social media to be hit with positivity movements promoting every flavour of self-acceptance possible. What's more, on a psychological level, the behaviour seems to suggest deeper ties to people's concepts of self-love and self-esteem.
Turkish expat Azra (name changed) admits she splurged more on herself than she did for others during the festive season last year. "It wasn't intentional," she explains with a laugh. "I went to the mall with a list of things to buy for family and friends, since we were having a party later that week - but I saw so many things on sale that I ended up crossing off a bunch of stuff from my own wish list instead." What about this year? "This time around, the self-gifting may not be accidental," replies the 31-year-old, cheekily. It may have been something she'd have felt guilty about once upon a time, she adds. Not anymore. "I fully intend to raid any of my favourite stores that are offering discounts. Getting gifts always makes me feel loved, but gifting myself is like two-for-one!"
Marketers and retail stores have been just as quick on the uptake, adjusting their messaging to target self-shoppers. A quick search using the keywords "Treat Yourself" on UAE e-tail website Noon.com reveals almost 600 results of heavily discounted products. Almost all of it seems to be stuff one is more likely to pick up for oneself, and hardly the kind of thing you'd have gift-wrapped for a friend: a multipurpose inflatable sofa selling at 46 per cent off, for instance. or an egg whisk going at a 64 per cent discount. By dangling an enticing price tag in front of virtual shoppers together with a not-so-subtle message like 'Treat Yourself', the subconscious takeaway for customers is 'Why not?'. Hook, line, sinker and 'add to shopping cart'.
Selfish or subjective?
Does that mean those who don't gift themselves have poor self-esteem? Hardly; it may be a simple matter of differing priorities. Personally, the thought of buying myself a gift has never 'darkened the doorway' of my mind. Any purchases for yours truly were usually born out of necessity. So, the idea of folks willing to drop upwards of Dh1,000 on themselves - we're talking gifts versus investments - has been a real 'horizon-broadener', if you will.
But one cannot be too quick to brand all self-gifters selfish. Dubai-based hospitality director Raza Abbas loves treating himself - to vacations. And he usually does so as a reward for a personal achievement. Commenting on the transitioning nature of gifting over the years, the 29-year-old remembers how thoughtful gifts morphed into gifts of money ("so people can get themselves whatever they want") to now gifting ourselves whatever we want. "It seems to be a 'don't-be-expected-to-give-and-don't-expect-to-get' policy," he notes.
Naturally, that sounds like it has selfishness written all over it. But Raza, who is also an avid supporter of charities, considers the matter subjective. "I've been through a lot of ups and downs in my life," he says. "I've been very rich and I've been very poor, and it's taken me a long time to get to where I am. I try to make it a point to do something charitable every year [Raza recently hosted a lunch for nine labourers in Dubai, as well as for 100 orphans in Karachi, Pakistan] but I'm also not averse to going out and spending on myself. Travelling the world is my way of finding a little comfort for myself. Whatever we're doing - whether running a business or holding down a nine-to-five - we're all looking for that little bit of comfort. So, I think calling that selfish is pretty subjective."
Love is in the little things
The self-gifting trend is not necessarily synonymous with materialism or heavy spending either. Dubai-based business management student Ghaliya Lulu believes it extends to anything that makes one happy - even if that means indulging in your favourite chocolate pancake. "Personally, self-gifting is my way of giving myself a break, since I have a really hectic schedule juggling studies, a part time position and an internship," says the 23-year-old. "I work really hard so, to get my mind off everything, I like to pamper myself in three ways: a trip to the salon, online shopping and fancy dinners."
The spends could range anywhere between Dh350-700, so if she isn't in a good financial position to afford such indulgences during a given month, Ghaliya says she'll opt to push them to the next month. Ideally though, she'd try to squeeze in at least one out of the three. It's not so much about disposable income as it is about what makes you happy, she asserts. "Everyone has little things they love. When it comes to self-gifting, I don't think money is everything. On a tight week when I can't spend a lot, a favourite dessert would still do the trick. It's just about giving yourself a little bit of happiness - it doesn't have to be huge."
There's also a streak of independence that drives her ideology. "A lot of people want to be gifted by others. But when you work for yourself, you can get yourself what you want, instead of waiting for others to make you happy," she reasons.
Bestselling American author and psychologist Rick Hanson makes a compelling argument for those with reservations about such retail therapy: the full circle theory. "When you give more to yourself, you have more to offer others when your own cup runneth over," he suggests in a 2014 article for Psychology Today. "Studies show that as people experience greater well-being, they are usually more inclined toward kindness, patience, altruism, and other kinds of "prosocial" behaviour."
Self-care - and no, that's not the same as narcissism - could promote more giving. Can you argue with that?
karen@khaleejtimes.com