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She’s all that

When push comes to shove, the real beauty of women lies in their strength — and we’re not talking muscle power

When prolific author Lois Wyse first made her mark in the world of advertising in the early 1950s, it was as a woman in a definite man’s world (the feminist movement would take another decade to actually gain momentum). But Lois went on to co-found her own advertising agency and, true to her name, was right on the money when she once wisely observed, “Men are taught to apologise for their weaknesses, women for their strengths.”

Whether it’s battling stereotypes to pursue a dream, juggling work and family commitments for a charitable cause or just taking on the daunting responsibility of motherhood full-time, women today are continuing to inspire in more ways than one. We speak to some of the UAE’s own women of strength — ordinary women achieving the extraordinary in their own little ways — and whose stories you may just find mirrored in the wonderful women in your own lives.

Who: Heba Kamal Salem

What: Harley-Davidson rider

It’s impossible not to be distracted by the distinct roar that can only belong to a Harley-Davidson rolling by. Even more impossible is looking anywhere else as a-clad woman — decked out from head to toe in Harley gear (leather vest, gloves, helmet, calf-high boots: check!) — dismounts from the sleek machine and makes her way over.

Heba Kamal Salem is not your average woman next door. Born in the UAE, the 32-year-old Egyptian works as a mechanical engineer for a printing press in Abu Dhabi and only discovered her love for the bike about eight months back. It’s a beauty on two wheels and she promises you only need to ride it once to not want to drive your car again. At least, that’s what happened to her when she met two female bikers at a restaurant in Dubai. “I joined them for a charity party for autistic people and met a lot of girls riding bikes.” A few days and Dh40,000 later, she had one to call her own. “I can be impulsive like that,” she says, sheepishly. “No one knew I was buying a bike. Almost all my male friends said I couldn’t ride a Harley but I just took two lessons, went for the exam and got it on the first try.”

The Abu Dhabi resident says she rides her bike everywhere, especially when she wants to clear her head or relax. She laughs now when she thinks about the time her parents found out about her new ride. She’d managed to keep it under wraps for a month; it was her daughter who let it slip that “Mammy had a bike”. As expected, both parents were appalled but eventually gave in, on the promise she’d be careful. Her colleagues have a more lukewarm reaction; some are enthusiastic, others openly expressing their disapproval.

The mother-of-two knows only too well the stereotypes Arab women, like herself, are constantly up against. “People have this idea of Arab women: that they should stay at home, take care of the children or, maximum, work as a teacher or doctor,” she says, pulling a face. “But Arab women today are taking on some of the toughest jobs out there. Things are changing!”

A strong believer in being one’s own person, she says, “Every woman should be able to do what she wants to do — as long as she is good to others and is herself… We have an Arabic phrase that says a woman is half the world. I feel she is the world because she raises the other half too: from boys to men. No matter who you look at, every woman has someone dependent on them.”

Who: Rebecca Lavallee

What: Homeschooling mum-of-five

The toss-up between career and family is easily one of the toughest choices many women find themselves having to make today. If they opt to work, there’s the guilt of not spending enough time with the kids; if they opt to stay home, there’s the feeling of ‘falling short’ of expectations. When it was her turn to decide, Canadian mum-of-five Rebecca Lavallee found the answer was pretty much a no-brainer.

The registered nurse had all five of her kids in Canada and says she “had visions of going back to work” after her first pregnancy — but eventually didn’t. “My husband and I were raised in families with stay-at-home mums, so it wasn’t a foreign concept to us at all, considering the communities we came from” she says. “It was important for me to stay home with the kids — and I consider it a huge privilege that I’m able to do that.”

Rebecca and her husband took the early decision to homeschool their kids after moving to Abu Dhabi about 10 years back because “school wasn’t really working for their family”. It wasn’t a path the full-time mum ever considered she’d take, considering she had enjoyed her own schooling days. But they took it, believing it best for their family at the time. “When our eldest was young, school wasn’t a good situation for our family,” she recalls. “I don’t think he was ready for what school was asking from him. Also, I was taking care of his sisters (aged six and two at the time) and wasn’t able to give him any quality time because I was so tired at the end of the day.” Frustrated with their personal situation, Rebecca figured things would be better done from home. “So four months later, we pulled them out of school — and we’ve never looked back since.”

Raising five kids (the oldest is now 26, the youngest, 11) is no small feat but Rebecca “took it one at a time”. Was she not worried about going against the academic norm? “Not at all. I don’t think that just because everyone’s doing something necessarily makes it the right thing to do. It’s not a perfect system but I’m taking full responsibility for it.” Rebecca has had her ‘moments’ too though. She remembers, once, being struck by the awful thought that if the kids “turned out wrong”, it was going to be all her fault. “It can be scary sometimes. Homeschooling is not perfect but I believe it’s the best choice for our family.”

After five kids, what are her top parental tips? “It’s really important to keep the conversation going with your child, especially through the teens,” she feels. “I also see too many parents that allow the children to run the families instead of remembering they’re in charge. I think we need to parent our kids with a lot of grace while being firm.” It’s a combo that can’t go wrong.

Who: Samantha Griffith

What: Lawyer and artist

London-born photo artist Samantha Griffith grew up around the arts. Classic works, modernist works — she developed a deep appreciation for them all. It wasn’t a passion she pursued as a career — she is a senior in-house legal advisor at a Dubai firm today — but it wasn’t one she forgot either. As someone zealous about fairness and justice, Samantha often found those emotions translating onto her canvas, once she was done with the legal battles of the day.

Her friends eventually convinced her to enter her works in the International Emerging Artist Awards for Contemporary Art & Photography 2013. To her great surprise, her artworks were recently announced among the top ten nominees — out of 1500 participants from 30 countries.

The nominated works are part of a collection called ‘Fractured’, which portrays the psychological and physical impact of mental illnesses on the female subject. And as with the rest of Samantha’s works, they were born of issues that mattered to her — in this case, the suicide of a friend whose son had died of leukaemia. “There are issues in our societies that need to be addressed and a need to find solutions to those issues,” she says. “We can all raise awareness in different ways. For me, it just comes out in my art.”

At 38 years old, she doesn’t deny the announcement came as a total shocker — albeit an extremely pleasant one. “I almost feel like I’m cheating since I’m neither an art student nor a full-time artist. It’s my first attempt and I didn’t dream it would get any sort of recognition,” says the thrilled Londoner. “I almost thought they’d made a mistake.”

The recent nomination has certainly painted things in a different shade for her — and the colours aren’t grey. “You absolutely must dream and go after it, irrespective of age, position, ability or access,” she exclaims. “If you’ve got a dream, chase it. There will be obstacles… Find a way to get over it, under it, around it — but just keep on.”

Who: Zareen Khan

What: Entrepreneur

For Pakistani Zareen Khan, she knew entrepreneurship was the way to go from the start (“I always struggled with taking instruction from people but I also always assumed it was an artistic thing!”). The 32-year-old painter wanted to spend her time working on projects that had “a moral grounding and that would create a positive impact” — and where better to set up than in Dubai, land of her birth?

The result was w2w, a specialised event management company set up in 2009 to provide a support system for the city’s female professionals — either through networking events or other shows promoting local talent. They started out small but in the last four years, the team has gone from strength to strength, organising over 30 art exhibits — not counting the various film screenings, book launches and fashion events. Through it all, Zareen says their ethos includes a focus on positive values. “I’ve turned down sponsorships from alcohol or cigarette companies in the past,” she says. “We also try not to get anyone involved that discriminates, such as clients with a ‘skin colour’ or ‘age preference’.”

Take their event Fashion For All, the only show in the region that features plus-size models and where 68-year-old women are more than welcome to walk the ramp. “Women want to look good no matter how old they are,” explains Zareen. “What we’re trying to do is educate designers that their market is living longer, and that they will eventually be the ones that can afford their creations. Unfortunately, right now, there seems to be increasingly nothing appropriate to wear for anyone over 25. These are the perceptions we’re trying to change with the brands we work with.” And they’re seeing change too. “Fashion for All used to be one of the toughest events to work on initially. We didn’t get much support, but it’s in its fourth year now — and this year we’ve got [retail giant] Majid Al Futtaim Fashion Group supporting us.”

Life as an entrepreneur is far simpler as a single woman, Zareen admits. “I have a lot more flexibility than some of my peers who have to juggle extra responsibilities or check if their son’s vacation time is clashing with a certain project.”

There’s also the cultural mindset about women entrepreneurs to deal with every now and then. “I come from a very liberal family,” she says, gratefully. “They’ve been very encouraging about my education and letting me do what I’m passionate about. For many people, especially where I come from, my lifestyle in events management — of working late and always being on call — is quite difficult to swallow. I’m always explaining to people why I am the way I am. It just makes life a little bit more interesting,” she says, with a chuckle.

Her credo is simple: “You can never make everyone happy,” she states. “I think we’re brought up to think that it’s our job to do so — we’ll just end up hurting ourselves if we do. People will support and they’ll criticise. Try to hold on to the positive.”

Who: Kellie Whitehead & Theresa Tsui

What: Co-founders of SolidariTea Arabia

Dubai residents Kellie Whitehead, 34, and Theresa Tsui, 41, first met about three years back through mutual friends. Though they often ran into each other at events across town, what really brought them together was the simple idea that the best things in life can happen over a cup of tea.

It all started when Theresa’s daughter came home from school one day after listening to a speaker talk about UK-based outfit SolidariTea, it seemed like the perfect chance to introduce a great social initiative to the region. The duo put their own spin to the concept — and SolidariTea Arabia was born. Though not associated with the UK edition, the basic premise is the same — bringing together people of diverse backgrounds to champion a good cause and change the world one cup of tea at a time.

It was a mark of how successful the initiative would become when, for their first event, instead of ten people, 40 showed up. Over the last two years, the initiative has helped raise $50,000 in support of at least 15 causes — and all it took were two women “very much inclined towards social causes”. Owner of a marketing consultancy, Kellie has a full plate with constant business travel between the UAE and the UK and three children to care for, but she believes it important to “give back somehow”. The guilt of being a working mother together with major personal upheavals in the last two years has been challenging — but you don’t get anything for nothing, she says. It’s her life motto.

Giving to charity doesn’t need to mean long-term commitment, says Theresa. “It can be a one-time donation or an hour of your time. It can be as simple as identifying a cause within the community that you want to adopt and getting a few friends together for an hour to discuss that cause.” The thing with small charities and causes is that after a while their donation levels dwindle because they don’t have the capacity to reach beyond their networks, she explains. “That’s where we provide the platform to help connect people at any level. We take the mystery out of holding a charity event: it can be as simple as tea and cake!”

karen@khaleejtimes.com