Lonely, single and over 50? China has a game show for that

The introductory music was thumping, the male dating show contestant had walked onstage, and now came the interview portion, where female guests asked questions. One of the women launched right in.

“Hello, sir,” said the 59-year-old woman, Yu Xia, scrutinising the prospect intently through her rectangular glasses. “Is your child a son or a daughter? You said your wife died three years ago — have you come out from that shadow? And your health, it’s pretty good, right?”

Welcome to one of China’s hottest new genres of television: Dating shows for older people.

In some ways, the programs — at least 10 of which have emerged in recent years, featuring contestants mostly in their 50s and above — are little different from the fare offered for younger contestants. Hopefuls discuss hobbies, strut for the camera and size up each other’s appearances.

But in between the lighthearted flirtations, the programmes also tackle some of the heavier realities of China’s rapidly aging population, one-third of which is expected to be 60 or older by 2050. All guests are asked about their health and pensions. Often, participants are startlingly blunt about what drove them to the stage — a widower recalls tender memories of his deceased wife, a divorced woman describes a loneliness so deep that she started talking to her television.

In response to Yu’s rapid-fire questions, the male guest, Li Guobin, 57, nodded. “Time has passed; I think I’ve emerged. But the love hasn’t been forgotten.”

“It can’t be forgotten,” Yu, also widowed, replied. “So what you need is another partner to take care of you, right?”

Most of all, the shows are helping to encourage more conversations about the social, romantic and sexual needs of older people. In China, as in many parts of the world, ageism has long made those topics taboo; in Chinese society in particular, many older people are expected to put the needs of younger generations first. Children often worry that a parent’s decision to buck tradition and seek companionship later in life could harm their own social standing or prospects at work.

Some contestants said they had wanted to find a partner, but were previously too embarrassed to say so, said Leng Bing, the producer of “Not Too Late for Fate,” one of the shows. “But through our programme, we’re guiding in the right direction, and many people are becoming more understanding and open-minded,” Leng said.

The problem of loneliness among older Chinese has become increasingly urgent over the years. Many Chinese, who once relied on their children to support them in their old age, now live alone because of rapid urbanization and economic development that have led their children to move away. The decadeslong one-child policy also meant there are fewer children to provide companionship. More than 54 million people 65 and older are unmarried, divorced or widowed, according to China’s most recent census data.

But producing dating shows for older people was not easy. Before starting production of “Not Too Late” in 2020, the station asked a focus group of about 20 older residents in northeastern Jilin province, where the show is filmed, if they would be willing to participate, said Zhang Xiaoju, the program’s chief editor. Fifteen said no.

Still, there were a handful of eager candidates. Slowly, more followed. One retired teacher agreed immediately, noting that he had often visited “marriage markets” — areas of public parks where older Chinese typically seek partners for their children and occasionally themselves. After he appeared on the show, others from the marriage market signed up, too.

“There has to be the first person who’s willing to eat a crab,” Zhang said, using a phrase to describe someone pioneering a risky path. “Then when others see that eating crab is good, they’ll be willing to pursue their own happiness, too.”

By this year, the station, Jilin Television, was fielding around 100 hopefuls a day, though filming has been put on hold recently because of coronavirus outbreaks. About half were urban residents and half rural, and about two-thirds women, Leng said. Most had high school or college educations.

“Care and Love,” the programme Yu appeared on, is one of the longest running dating shows for older Chinese. The programme has a game-show quality, with contestants dancing or arm wrestling while potential mates press buttons to indicate approval or disapproval. The newer “Not Too Late” is more intimate, with candidates visiting each other’s homes.

All the shows share one hallmark: blunt exchanges from candidates with little patience for nonsense.

“What are you, a 20-something young man?” a woman on “Love’s Choice,” filmed in northeastern Liaoning province, said of a man in his 70s who she thought was being too picky about appearance.

On an episode of “Not Too Late,” a 69-year-old man asked a 63-year-old woman, “Let me just ask, we’re both experienced people: How’s your sexual ability?”

“Not bad,” she giggled.

This article originally appeared in The New York Times