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Dear Therapist: 'My children don't support me'

My children are adults now and have their own jobs. Yet, they don’t contribute anything to the household. We have supported them all this while, got them a good university degree and enabled them to stand on their own two feet. But now that they’re relatively settled, they don’t feel the need to support us by making any contribution. I don’t feel comfortable asking them for help as I genuinely believe it should come from them. What should I do? — Veena M.

Dear Veena, I see that you feel conflicted about asking for financial support from your children. Bringing it up would be easy if the parents have discussed this with the children as they were growing up. I understand that you feel that it’s only fair or right that children contribute now that they are working adults, but the truth is that many adults these days may not feel the need or the obligation to do so and may even resist the demand made on them.

On the other hand, if the children are helping out for rent or buying household necessities, facilitating travel or upgrading your lifestyle, then that can also be considered as financial support. If this is something that distresses you or you feel strongly about, it would be best to discuss this openly. For all you know, the children may not have thought of it and are, in fact, willing to help out! Regardless of the outcome, talking about it will give you closure on the subject.

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