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Reel magic: UAE's latest cinema release

David Light delves through the UAE’s latest cinema releases

Only one more week to go until the cinemas become a relatively viable place to be entertained again. Although the outlook doesn’t look great with what’s coming next weekend, at least they are movies we have heard of! The following list is a bit sparse on celebrity titles, although who knows, maybe there will be some winners (it’s Diplomatie).

Born to Race: Fast Track

If you thought The Fast and the Furious franchise was just too intricate in its story telling, then you’re in luck. While the more established film lacks any worth, it is at least made with a budget capable of satisfying the people who pay to watch it in terms of explosions, cheesy lines from meathead actors and the semblance of a plot. Born to Race: Fast Track is the opposite. No money, no cast and a plot almost taken word for word from the Goal franchise (and we know how good those football movies were).

Basically some punky drag racer gets picked to go to the big leagues and do it professionally. Low and behold, wouldn’t you know it, he’s out of his depth when faced with real competition, but his mentors still see a natural spark worth nurturing. It’s becoming tedious even dedicating written words to this, so as advise the filmmakers to stop making this kind of film, I will also halt.

Imdb gives this film 5.3 and rottentomatoes haes no rating.

Trivia

• If you do go to see this, look out for the “hilarious” goof where the main racing car has a sticker on its roof for one scene and, in the next, does not…

Also if you abbreviate the title, you’re left with BRFT, as in this film is BRFT of any value.

Diplomatie

At last, something decent. It was bound to happen one day. This French historical drama set in World War II may not be to everyone’s taste but is tense, thrilling and doesn’t have a special effect (cheap or otherwise) anywhere near it. Set during the end of France’s occupation and with the Axis on it’s last legs, the plot sees Nazi general Dietrich Von Choltitz prepare to carry out Hitler’s orders and blow up Paris. Swedish consul Raoul Nording meets with the general determined to persuade him not to carry out the order.

This has 7.1 on imdb.

Trivia

• This is only the second film I have ever recommended on these pages.

Plush

This 2013 picture is described as an American erotic thriller, so expect it to have about a half hour running time here in the UAE. So if you’ve got a spare 30 mins, go watch a female rocker lose her best friend to an overdose, see her second album tank and shack up with a psychopath. While that does actually sound mildly interesting, it only took $3000 dollars at the worldwide box office when it was released lat year. Maybe listen to the sound of people voting with their feet on this one.

Rottentomatoes has this at 33% and imdb gives it 5.3.

Trivia

• Evan Rachel Wood was originally cast in the lead role but dropped out due to scheduling conflicts.

Million Dollar Crocodile

No this isn’t the reptile that’s just been placed in Dubai Mall. This is the Chinese version of Godzilla just without the fussy details like millions of dollars to spend on effects.

The plot of the movie is sketchy at best, but here goes. It’s China’s first monster movie and it’s about a crocodile who swallows a million yuan. A group then goes out to hunt it down. That sounds too funny to miss. For kitsch value it’s probably not worth paying cinema prices to go see it, but maybe a few clips on YouTube will keep you chuckling.

Just 4.2 on imdb and no reviews on rottentomatoes.

Trivia

• We can barely get a read on the storyline of this one, let alone any facts!