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Bolt Down on Bullying

When choosing or assessing the quality of a school, there are a number of variables to consider, such as the academic standing, hygiene issues, approachability of the principal and administration, welcoming attitude and the qualification of teachers, just to name a few.

Another very important issue is bullying in schools. More than ever today, parents reflect on the school’s position towards bullying as one of the most essential characteristics of the educational establishment that they are considering for their child.

This of course is an important shift in the way we perceive bullying and our attitudes have changed tremendously.

Parents used to incorrectly say things like:

• Just ignore it!
• Kids should learn to fight their own 
battles
• Don’t worry, I went through the same thing and it only made me stronger

Bullying is a very serious problem and incredibly damaging to the emotional and psychological development process of a child. It comes in different forms, such as physical, emotional/verbal, gossip, cyber bullying, exclusion, or harassment that takes place on the bus or the route home from school.

Yes, ‘kids will be kids’ but they don’t have to be monsters or victims. Bullying is very different from teasing in the way that when teasing takes place, all of the participants have an equal chance of teasing and responding to the banter. Unfortunately, in the case of bullying, one person holds the majority of the power while the victims are petrified and unable to defend themselves.

A wide range of psychological problems reported by adults throughout the world confirm that we cant just ignore it, schools shouldn’t be battlefields, bullying can actually break you rather than make you stronger and words do hurt tremendously.

The UAE is a transient society for many and as guests arrive to this host country, during the first stage of their migration, they may be dealing with their own adjustment issues such as culture shock, homesickness, language barriers and an overall sense of alienation. These new kids on the block can be less emotionally resilient, therefore becoming easy targets to the bully who preys on the weaker kids.

In order to try and eradicate bullying from our schools, the whole community needs to get involved. That means parents, teachers, principals, doctors, counselors, nannies, older siblings, extended family members and the media should all acknowledge the fact that if we turn a blind eye to this devastatingly manipulative act, we could very well be denying a child a chance of growing up in a safe and predictable environment. That same person might grow up feeling angry, resentful, confused, unable to manage their emotions effectively, suffering from intimacy issues and worse yet, perhaps repeating the cycle of aggression and oppression by bullying others.

So we can begin by having regular discussions with your child regarding bullying. Watch out for warning signs and red flags such as:

Child not wanting to go to school

Feeling down and disheartened

Change in behaviour or complaining of stomach aches or other physical symptoms

Lost items or clothing

Child seem unenthusiastic and disinterested in life

Bruises, scratches or other physical marks

Child feels hyper vigilant, anxious and has sudden unexplainable outbursts

If you suspect that your child is suffering from any of the above symptoms interfering with their life, you should consider having them evaluated by your family doctor or qualified psychologist

Please help raise awareness, teach kids to SPEAK UP and enforce a zero tolerance principle towards bullying. Encourage them to stand up for other kids who may be being bullied. It might take just one person to be brave enough to say ‘STOP’.

Remember, learning more, results in living more, over to you

Samineh I Shaheem is an author, an assistant professor of psychology, currently lecturing in Dubai, as well as a cross-cultural consultant at HRI. She has studied and worked in different parts of the world, including the USA, Canada, UK, Netherlands, and the UAE. She co-hosts a radio program (Psyched Sundays 10-12pm) every Sunday morning on Dubai Eye 103.8 FM discussing the most relevant psychological issues in our community.

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