Ways and means of coping with stress

Our lives will never be stress free. That would be an unrealistic and unattainable situation to strive towards which might in turn actually cause more harm and disappointment. Challenges are a natural part of living, growing, developing and taking risks so the goal shouldn't be to try and completely eradicate or avoid hardship; instead we should learn to pace our activities so that we're better able to cope with the various psychological landscapes encountered.
Jane describes a time in her life where she felt overwhelmed and exhausted. 'It wasn't until I started losing hair that I began taking a good look at what was happening around me. I hated my job and was majorly overworked, my personal life was chaotic with 3 kids and an unemployed husband. I had a list of bad habits like a poor diet, didn't exercise and smoked a pack a day. So when I was told by my boss that I may be made redundant, I just lost it.' In other words, what Jane means is that the stressors in her life outweighed her ability and resources to cope.
Of course Jane isn't alone. There are many individuals who find themselves on a slippery slope of stress, spiraling out of control and eventually feeling quite hopeless and helpless. Knowing this, it's important to have the right coping skills so that the inevitable taxing events don't feel all consuming.
Each person is different and not all of these strategies will work. With greater self-awareness about yourself and the situation, you'll be able to pick a few of the most suitable that will work best for you.
. Tackle one issue at a time. Make a list of five things that are causing physical or psychological harm. Prioritize the items in order of urgency and importance, however if that's not a concern, it's a good idea to start with the easiest so that you can succeed and celebrate a sense of accomplishment. This positive burst will give you greater confidence to surge forward and begin tackling the other points on your list.
. Distraction. Not everything is entirely in our control so there will be times we'll have to wait for certain factors to fall into place or for others to cooperate. Remember patience isn't just about your ability to wait; it's how you manage your anxiety and your behaviour during this time that demonstrates your level of fortitude. So during this time, why not distract yourself with certain unfinished tasks, hobbies, movies, books or any other activity you enjoy rather than worrying unnecessarily.
. Emotional Release. Our cognitive faculties don't have an accessible delete button so all your pent up anger and frustration get stored, either consciously or unconsciously. This accumulation of dysfunctional emotional waste surfaces when we least expect it, even though we think we've hidden it away in a far off corner of our consciousness. So learning how to release it is imperative to your wellbeing. This could be in the form of keeping a journal, exercise, laughing, talking about it or putting on your favourite tune and dancing. This may not be possible in every situation however depending on the severity or simplicity of the issue, the release of emotional pressure is a necessary component of confronting and moving forward.
. Challenge your thoughts. Have you ever looked at a bunch of active kids and wondered, 'where do they get all that energy from?' Certainly, as we get older its easier to get exhausted due to all our responsibilities but other than age and activities, one of the main reasons we get so much more worn out than kids is because we engage in hours of negative thinking. We're either regretting past events or worrying about the future or constantly bombarded with critical self-talk which robs us of the present and our ability to cope with issues in a constructive manner. Take charge of your thoughts, confront negative or limiting beliefs and design them so that they help rather than hinder you.
. Gain perspective. The inability to cope may stem from what we refer to as maximization; perceiving and treating a problem as bigger than it actually is. Not only is maximization inaccurate, misleading and time consuming, but it's also debilitating because the problem seems unmanageable. How we handle issues is largely down to our perception so with the help of someone you trust, evaluate the gravity of the problem as well as associated consequences. Often times this process immediately reduces the anxiety and fear levels, opening the door for clarity and objective thinking.
Learning and developing strong coping skills takes practice. Some people have these tools naturally, others learn them through experience and observation while others may prefer to get the help of a qualified counselor, psychologist or coach. What's important is recognising that change is necessary, not remaining in an emotional rut for too long and using effective coping strategies to adjust to the changes that occur life.
Dr Samineh I. Shaheem is an Assistant Professor of Psychology and Learning & Development People Specialist. Please forward your thoughts/ suggestions for future articles to OutOfMindContact@gmail.com