Finding identity in multiples

Last month, Ohio-based quadruplets Zach, Aaron, Nigel and Nick Wade stirred up a lot of interest online when news broke that all four brothers had been accepted into two of the most prestigious universities in the US: Harvard and Yale. Each of them had written their college admission essays on what it was like to be part of a quad - or, as Nick put it, to be thought of "less as individual and more like one in a set of matching luggage".
Interestingly, the brothers aren't that difficult to tell apart since they aren't identical. Despite this, their experience has been of teachers, schoolmates and acquaintances being largely dismissive of acknowledging them as four separate personalities; instead, they are considered a single unit. Though proud enough to be "one of the Wade boys", the need to establish a clear sense of self and identity was one Nick - and his brothers - have admitted to struggling with for much of their teenage lives. It made us wonder what life is like for siblings who are born as part of a 'package'. What is it like to constantly be around another human being who looks like you? WKND spoke to identical twins - and triplets! - around town, and the responses were about as varied as the doppelgängers themselves.

'Being a twin is something money cannot buy'
As children, Nigerian expats Chisom and Chiemeka Onyirioha greatly disliked the attention that came with their twin status. Actually, the two are part of a set of triplets; their sister, Jennifer, however, is not an identical sibling and, over the years, it was the brothers who grew to be inseparable. Today, the 23-year-olds wouldn't give up 'twinning' for the world. In fact, for the past few years, they've taken it a step further and made all purchases 'double or nothing'. "We're getting used to dropping things if there aren't two of the same item available in a store," says Chiemeka.
The siblings have their disagreements, but they've managed to develop a pretty egalitarian approach when it comes to decision-making. What happens when one is in love with Samsung's new S8+ and the other is not, or when one badly wants to pick up a designer cap, and the other isn't too keen, as was the case recently? "There is no question of not buying two of the same thing; so, in the end, we have to agree to buy it - or not buy it - whether we like it or not," says Chisom. "How we resolve it is: if I make the decision this time, the next time around, Chiemeka will. There are no arguments; it's just understood."
Ask them whether they ever feel their individual identities are threatened or get lost in the other, and they look nonplussed. "I am happy for who I am," shrugs Chisom, the older of the two by 30 minutes. "You can find many things in life, but seeing two people with the same face is rare. We don't need a mirror to see how we look. When we get dressed, I only need to look at Chiemeka to see how the outfit looks on me. So, I
thank God for this gift. Being a twin is something money cannot buy, and we absolutely love it."
Perhaps the only negative is the comparisons that people tend to draw between the two. "Sometimes, people will ask, 'Why are you not like your brother? He's doing better than you are right now.' Those kinds of comments can drive you crazy," says Chiemeka. "But, honestly, the pros of being an identical twin far outweigh any cons."
The brothers had originally come to the UAE a few years ago to study, but have had to put their education on hold for a bit; they now work as phone operators at Freedom Pizza in Dubai. Along with everything else they share, there is also a common dream: to "make Africa great" - and to do so together. "We'd love to become professional footballers or football coaches," says Chisom passionately. "We'd love to invest back home to help the kids there. Most twins in Africa find it hard to go to school - it's not easy for parents to pay tuition fees for multiple kids - so we're really hoping to help support them in the near future."
Till then, they're enjoying the comfort that comes with experiencing the world together - "both its toughness and its sweetness" - as well as the confusion that their mirror-image looks at times engender. "Our girlfriends have gotten us mixed up in the past," Chiemeka grins. "But when someone really loves you, even if she cannot always tell you apart from your physical appearance, she can always feel if you're the one emotionally."
Have they ever liked the same girl? "There was one time that happened," Chiemeka says candidly. "But I'd say a woman would never be a problem between us. There are so many out there, I would be perfectly fine to give one up for my brother!"  
Though their personalities are so closely intertwined, the duo assert they do try to distinguish themselves in their own way. "When it comes to the classroom, Chiemeka is better; in sports, I have the edge. I actually don't like it if people suddenly start saying Chiemeka is a better player than me (even though he's also pretty good)," admits Chisom. "So we tend to compete in that way: matching our strengths and using each other to push our limits and get better."
Would they be okay for life to take them in different directions in the future? The twins are unanimous in their response. "No way. We'd want to be together always."

COMING INTO THEIR OWN: Salama Hamdan Bin Ghafan (seated) with her sisters, Shamma (left) and Dhabya
'We want to be our own persons'
The odds of having identical triplets are unclear, being listed as anywhere from one in 60,000 to one in 200 million pregnancies. The higher the multiples, the rarer the chances they'll be identical (the only record of identical quintuplets, for example, is of the Dionne quintuplets, born in 1934). Which is why it's pretty hard to miss the Hamdan Bin Ghafan triplets when they're out together. Though Salama, Dhabya and Shamma are strikingly similar in resemblance and still stump extended family members at times, the 13-year-olds don't see themselves as identical. "We actually see a lot of differences in each other," says Shamma, the youngest.
The Emirati trio, who attend Wesgreen International School in Sharjah, study in different sections but still manage to puzzle their teachers every now and then. "There was a time I had an Arabic class right after Dhabya," recalls Shamma. "The teacher looked at me and said, 'Why are you here again? I just taught you!'" Naturally, laughter ensued before the mix-up was clarified.
While they don't seem to mind the regular cases of mistaken identity, the girls are keen to come into their own. They have different sporting interests (Shamma likes horse-riding, while her sisters prefer basketball and football) and have started buying different clothes. "We used to dress alike," says Salama, who is an inch shorter than her younger sisters and the easiest to tell apart. "But we don't like that anymore."
Though the novelty of dressing alike has worn off, the girls still do everything together - they share the same room, borrow each others' clothes at times, and study together. And, no, they don't tire of constantly having each other around. "We like the company," offers Dhabya, who seems most keen on the trio staying together. "We often think of or say the same thing at the same time." Do they squabble? "Sometimes," chorus all three, before breaking out into giggles. Defend each other? "Depends on the trouble!" quips Shamma.
They've only entered their teens, but the girls are already viewing the future through different lenses. While Dhabya is still weighing her options, Shamma is an aspiring doctor and Salama wants to be a pilot when she grows up. They're not competitive though. "If my sisters score more than me in school, I'd still be happy," says Salama, who is looking forward to "doing [her] own thing" someday. Her sisters agree.

LIKE PEAS IN A POD: Nabil (in blue) and Samir Siddiqui have won many 'Most Identical Twins' competitions in the past
'We like being seen as one unit'
Twin brothers Nabil and Samir Siddiqui have no clue who's the older of the two. Their parents do - but chose not to reveal more than that the two were born 20 minutes apart. It's a detail that doesn't matter to the duo, because the powerful parallel connection they share is almost surreal. There is the physical aspect, of course. One look at them is enough to see why they've won multiple 'Most Identical Twins' competitions in the past. Both sport the same physique, hairline - and even dark-rimmed frames. They're spitting images of each other, and if they hadn't spared us and dressed differently for this interview, we'd have thought we were seeing double under the midday sun.
The striking resemblance has naturally led to a lot of confusion: from their parents ("When we were kids, our grandma was always on our mom's case, because she insisted our mom was mistakenly feeding the same twin over and over again!") to their teachers - although one did claim he could tell who was who by their teeth. "Let's just say he had a 50 per cent success rate," laughs Nabil, adding there is a way to tell them apart but he has no plans to give it away.
But the real bizarreness lies in their almost seamless homogeneity in thoughts, preferences - even decisions. "We almost always finish each other's sentences and there have been several instances when Nabil would start singing a song I was thinking about," notes Samir. The two have been known to go into a mall in different directions, only to return having bought the exact same thing - and have even ordered the same meal from the same restaurant on the same day while in two different countries!
Always encouraged by their folks to develop individual personalities and be independent, the brothers were given their separate rooms and toys - but somehow "always ended up playing together with the same toy in the same room". Today, the 37-year-olds spearhead the business development of their family enterprise, TASRA Group, and are married with one-year-old sons each.
"I can see why being seen as 'Nabil and Samir' might be important in certain situations - like work - so our identities do remain separate where they're called for. Once out of that space, we actually like being seen and referred to as 'Twins'," continues Nabil, who even signs off all emails with that moniker.
They've lost count of the number of times they've switched places at school and various social settings. "The funny thing is people now tend to assume we've switched places even when we haven't!" says Samir. Even their wives admit confusion on
occasion, although their sons are happy to indiscriminately call them both 'dada'. And doors tend to open for them too, on account of their twin status. "Every store, every country, every place we go to, the first question is always 'Twins?' It's such an icebreaker - and somehow helps us get whatever we want done!"
The two celebrate their 'twin-hood' proactively by travelling regularly to twin festivals in the US and China - and to meet up with other identical siblings they befriend through such events. "Dubai has had a pretty cool Multiples Festival - twice to date," recalls Nabil. "There hasn't been one for a while, though the organisers have promised there will be another one soon. We're really looking forward to that!"

Twin things
. About 32 out of every 1,000 people is a twin.
. Twins and multiples have been known to develop their own 'language' that only they understand. This 'twin talk' is known as cryptophasia or idioglossia.
. The Yoruba tribe of Nigeria claims to have the highest twinning rate in the entire world (50 sets of twins for every 1,000 live births). The people attribute it to their population's consumption of a specific type of yam.
. Are you a twin, triplet or more? The UAE has its own support group for you. Visit the TwinsPlus Arabia Facebook page for info.
karen@khaleejtimes.com