Are you your own worst critic?

People often say, “Just accept yourself as you are", as if it were the easiest thing in the world.

The fact is, for many, especially those who have been stuck in cycles of self-doubt or internal criticism for most of their lives, achieving this level of acceptance can feel quite impossible.

So, how do you even begin to accept yourself when competing inner voices in your mind constantly tell you you’re not good enough?

What the Research says

Psychologists are clear that self-acceptance, the opposite of self-criticism, is a crucial component for mental health as it builds a foundation of inner peace, resilience, and self-compassion.

Research has shown that people who accept themselves experience less stress, anxiety, and depression than those who constantly strive to meet unrealistic external expectations.

But what does the journey toward true self-acceptance actually entail, and why does it feel so hard?

The Harsh Cost of Self-Criticism

Self-criticism isn’t just a habit; it’s a way of being that permeates every part of us. We know that our bodies reveal what our mind tries to suppress, and chronic self-criticism can manifest physically as:

•Collapsed posture and tension: Slumping shoulders, tense neck, jaw, and hip muscles, and a generally “collapsed” stance, which reflects feelings of defeat or avoidance.

•Restricted breathing: Shallow breathing and a tense chest are common among those with chronic self-criticism, signalling heightened stress and an overactive “fight-or-flight” survival response.

•Fatigue and lack of motivation: Feelings of apathy, numbness, and disconnection are often physical manifestations of inner conflict and unresolved self-judgement.

Over time, this self-imposed stress leads to burnout, fatigue, and even physical pain.

Research published in Psychosomatic Medicine shows that self-criticism elevates stress, impacting cardiovascular health, immune function, and emotional resilience.

Trauma expert Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, who is a Dutch psychiatrist and author, explains, “Unresolved trauma and chronic self-criticism are like weights on the mind. They reshape your body’s responses, making it harder to relax or feel safe.”

What fuels self criticism?

1.Fear

One of the biggest drivers of self criticism is fear:

Fear of complacency: Many of us cling to self-criticism as a way of “keeping ourselves in check,” believing that if we don’t push ourselves hard, we’ll fail to improve or achieve.

Fear of vulnerability: showing our true self will expose us to hurt, rejection, or judgment.

Fear of being truly known: If others see our flaws and imperfections, we may face painful dismissal or exclusion.

But self-acceptance isn’t about stagnation or avoidance of growth. It’s the foundation upon which true change and self-improvement can occur. It’s understanding limitations, and recognising areas for growth.

2. The inner critic

That persistent voice conditioned over years, even decades…that voice you know so well.

That voice that tells you that you’re not enough, that you should be different, you should be better, that voice that magnifies every perceived flaw or failure…

Accepting yourself can feel like a betrayal of this critical part of you—an undoing of all those years spent “keeping yourself in line.”

From Self-Criticism to Self-Acceptance: A Practical Plan

The good news is, there are practical steps you can take to ease the process. Here are three evidence-based approaches:

1. Practice Positive Self-Talk: Your words influence your biology. Research in neuroscience suggests that positive self-talk can strengthen pathways in the brain that foster self-compassion, helping you create new mental habits that prioritise kindness over criticism.

One of the simplest yet most powerful tools for self-acceptance is positive self-talk.

The way we speak to ourselves directly influences our nervous system. To activate your body’s relaxation response and to shift your inner dialogue from judgemental to compassionate, try phrases like,

• "I'm doing the best I can, and that's enough."

• "It's okay to feel this way; I can handle this with self-kindness."

• "I'm allowed to make mistakes and learn from them."

2. Bio-hack: Somatic Practices

Because the body remembers tension patterning, techniques that involve using the body to influence the mind actually tap into a core principle of trauma-informed therapy.

Body-based practices like yoga, deep breathing, and progressive muscle relaxation can help “hack” the body’s stress response, leading to a natural increase in self-acceptance.