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Generational trauma: What does it mean?

Your parents' trauma might be affecting your life

Generational trauma — it sounds complex, but at its core, it’s about the emotional and psychological baggage we inherit without even realising it. Dr Sarah A. Bougary, a trauma- certified psychiatrist and the Founder and CEO of Monarch Health Centers in Dubai, explains how ancestral burdens can manifest in our everyday lives, sometimes in subtle, but often in disruptive ways.

What is Generational Trauma?

“Generational trauma is different from other forms of trauma. It isn’t about what happens to us. It’s what happened to those who came before us — our parents, grandparents, and even great-grandparents,” she said.

The effects of unprocessed traumatic events or experiences in one generation of a family can be passed down from generation to generation. This is a social process as well as a biological one through a phenomenon called epigenetics.

“While the DNA strands themselves don’t change, trauma influences how genes are expressed, altering things like protein production and even the mitochondria in our cells,” she said.

The concept of generational trauma became clearer through studies on Holocaust survivors. “They faced extremely high anxiety levels, understandably so, but what surprised researchers was that this anxiety was passed down to their children and grandchildren — people who never lived through the event but carried its emotional burden.”

In the Middle East

Though not as studied as the Holocaust, Dr Bougary draws a parallel to Middle Eastern families who’ve experienced conflict, war, and displacement.

“Our grandparents’ stories of hardship, fear, and scarcity have shaped the way our parents raised us, and now shape the way we raise our own children.”

In her practice, Dr Bougary has met families who’ve moved from conflict zones to safer places like Dubai, only to encounter unexpected emotional challenges. Parents work hard to give their kids the best of everything and yet these children are still struggling with anxiety and depression.

“Parents come to me confused, saying, ‘How can they be unhappy? I gave them everything’,” she said. “The truth is that trauma doesn’t just disappear with better material conditions, it follows us.”

This disconnect is partly because parents may unknowingly carry trauma into their parenting styles. “Good intentions can still translate into unrealistic expectations. The end of the sentence ‘I gave you everything…’ is often left unsaid but the expectation is clear: ‘… so you need to be perfect.’ That kind of pressure can be overwhelming.”

Generational trauma can also be harder to identify partly due to our cultural norms.

At first glance, the loving, devoted Arab mother who sacrifices everything for her children may not seem harmful, but this personality can manifest into an anxious parenting style. To reduce her own anxiety, she exerts excessive control, or over-control, in order to nurture, protect, and ensure the success of her children. This puts immense pressure on children.

“Typical” Arab fathers have been normalised as the head of the family, symbolising strength, authority, and discipline. This type of father is unable to express affection openly, as emotional vulnerability can be viewed as a sign of weakness. Children raised by authoritarian fathers may struggle with perfectionism, afraid that anything less than excellence will be met with criticism. With this father figure, they become emotionally suppressed, believing vulnerability is shameful.

“Families normalise certain behaviours, thinking they’re just personality traits,” Dr Bougary noted. “Signs of generational trauma might be overlooked as just ‘how things are’. But these patterns often point to unresolved trauma.”

Trauma in a World Full of Conflict

Many of us will never truly understand the trauma of being in a life-and-death situation firsthand. But, as Dr Bougary points out, trauma isn’t just about personal experience. Simply witnessing conflict, even from afar, can leave lasting scars.

“As we watch the genocide unfold in Gaza and the invasion of Lebanon, among other conflicts happening simultaneously around the world, it’s not just emotionally draining, it’s traumatising. Even if we’re sitting safely in our living rooms, the helplessness we feel is real.”

She referred to it as “secondary trauma” or “vicarious trauma” and explains that it can have a significant impact on mental health.

“I meet people who say, ‘I wasn’t there, so I don’t have the right to feel this way.’ But you do,” she emphasised. “These are your loved ones, your friends, your cultural community — or at the very basic level your fellow human beings — and the emotional impact is valid.”

This emotional burden, if left unprocessed, can be passed down to future generations resulting in generational trauma as well. The psychological experience of helplessness and fear is what gets carried forward, even if you aren’t physically present during a traumatic event. Our brain’s response to perceived threats leaves a mark.

“We may be physically safe in places like Dubai, but emotionally we’re affected. That anxiety, if unaddressed, embeds itself within us and can unintentionally be passed down to our children.”

Healing Takes Intentionality and Time

It can take 50 years — or three generations — for meaningful change or healing to occur and for biological changes from trauma to revert. And it all begins with acknowledgment.

“You have to name what you’re feeling—shame, guilt, sadness, or anger. These emotions are normal,” Dr Bougary emphasised, “and giving yourself permission to feel them is the first step. Parents often mean well and do the best they can, but sometimes they cause harm. And it’s okay to feel upset about that.”

Reconciling with these emotions can be tough, especially when you may feel guilt for your anxiety despite having a privileged upbringing. “The key is to understand that gratitude and emotional distress can coexist. You feel grateful for what you have while also acknowledging the emotional struggles you face. You can feel grateful for the life you live, while acknowledging your ancestors had to survive worse situations for you to be able to live this life. It’s not one or the other.”

Healing generational trauma isn’t just about individual well-being, it’s about ensuring that future generations aren’t burdened by the emotional weight of the past.

“We need to take responsibility for our healing, not just for ourselves but for the generations that follow. If we don’t heal, we risk passing trauma down to our children, even unintentionally.”

As a closing thought, Dr Bougary reflected on the significance of addressing generational trauma in a world still grappling with conflict. “We need to take responsibility for our healing, not just for ourselves but for the generations that follow. If we don’t heal, we risk passing trauma down to our children.

“Healing isn’t just for us; it’s for the world we leave behind.”

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