Empowerment and Inclusion advocate Marilena De Costa on living and thriving with Multiple Sclerosis
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Anger and anxiety often walk hand in hand, interconnecting in a complex dance that affects many people on a daily basis. Experiencing anger can be frightening, and witnessing it in someone else can be even more alarming.
But where does it come from? And why is this beast so hard to tame?
The battle between control and chaos
Perhaps you are familiar with the movie The Incredible Hulk? There is no imagined character that captures the essence of human duality and instinctual rage quite like The Hulk, whose character is rooted in psychological analysis:
Bruce Banner: A brilliant, mild mannered, “in control” scientist represents the rational side of human nature. When he experiences intense anger or stress, he transforms into the Hulk—a chaotic giant filled with uncontrolled rage, and unrestrained behaviour.
This transformation mirrors human behaviour, where, beneath a calm exterior lies the potential for intense, primal emotions.
Many people struggle to balance their composed external self with their raw instincts.
Banner's constant anxiety and fear of losing control resonates with people managing high-stress lives, highlighting the conflict between external expectations and inner turmoil.
The dual nature of anger
Anger possesses immense power that can be both destructive and transformative.
The downside of anger
The Hulk's anger unleashes a formidable and destructive force within him, symbolising the raw, explosive energy of anger in real life.
Similarly, uncontrolled anger can cause significant and irrevocable harm to ourselves and others, making it crucial to seek help.
The benefits of anger
When channelled appropriately, anger can serve as a catalyst for positive change: driving us to confront injustices, set boundaries, and advocate for ourselves and others. Understanding and harnessing anger, rather than letting it control us, is key to transforming it into a force for good instead of disorder.
The origins of anger
Research indicates that anger is often a learned behaviour rooted in childhood experiences.
Children absorb, and imitate, the emotional responses of their primary caregivers and their cultural environment. For instance, if a child consistently witnesses a parent reacting to life's challenges with anger, they learn that as an appropriate, and expected response, to frustration or conflict.
Psychologists emphasise that repeated exposure to such behaviours reinforces nerve pathways associated with anger, thus making it a “default reaction”.
Additionally, childhood experiences of neglect, abuse, or inconsistent discipline can worsen feelings of insecurity and helplessness, which can later manifest as anger in adulthood.
The purpose of anger
You've likely heard of the fight/flight/freeze response. Anger is the natural fight response, meant to protect us from threats and mobilise energy for action. When we sense danger or injustice, anger triggers a physical response, increasing our energy to defend ourselves or correct the situation. This reaction is crucial for immediate safety and asserting boundaries.
The consequences of unaddressed anger
Physical Health: According to renowned physician and esteemed trauma specialist Dr. Gabor Maté, over a long period of time, unexpressed anger is more than just a psychological issue, it is a trigger for a cascade of chronic stress responses that can lead to serious health consequences. This includes autoimmune diseases, cancer, heart disease, diabetes, weakened immune system, insomnia, and high blood pressure.
Mental Health: Chronic anger consumes mental energy, clouds thinking, and makes it harder to concentrate or enjoy life. It often leads to stress, depression, and other mental health issues.
Career: Uncontrolled anger can alienate colleagues and clients, and erode professional respect.
Relationships: Anger causes lasting damage to personal relationships, making it difficult for others to trust, speak honestly, or feel comfortable around you. Anger is especially damaging to children.
Healthy expressions of anger
If you are a fan of The Hulk, you will know that his rages are cathartic. But you do not need to go on a rampage to feel better! Here are some foolproof and healthy ways you can get help:
Physical Release: By its very nature, anger increases the energy within you, and movement provides the obvious release you are looking for. Run, walk, take up boxing, yoga or martial arts. This will provide a structured outlet for physical aggression and stress relief, enhancing self-discipline and emotional control.
Self-Awareness: Learn to identify the signs of anger so you can nip it early. Notice overwhelm, and be aware of physical sensations (increased heart rate), and emotional triggers (feeling a loss of value). Keep a journal to identify patterns that trigger you. Reflect on situations that provoke you, and your responses to them. Is there potential for growth here? Sit with it. This is your life. Be intentional.
Timeouts: Excuse yourself or take a break from the situation when you feel anger rising. Washroom breaks are a great excuse. Use this time to cool down and gain perspective. Focus on finding solutions rather than dwelling on the problem. Break down issues into manageable steps and address them one at a time.
Mindfulness and Relaxation: Practice deep breathing, meditation, or progressive muscle relaxation to stay calm. Try box breathing: Breathe in for a count of four, hold for four, out for four, hold for four, and repeat several times until you feel calmer.
Healthy Communication: Decide that you will not answer/respond in anger again. Talk to a friend or mentor, or journal to get your frustrations out. Look for patterns, and find solutions.
Learning to Repair: Repairing relationships after angry outbursts rebuilds trust, fosters understanding, and promotes emotional healing for all parties involved.
Seek Professional Help
If self interventions do not work, your anger may be a survival response based off traumatic experiences. Seek professional help. Trauma imbalances the survival instinct, and disrupts the ability to be reasonable. A trained professional will get you out of survival mode.
For support, visit drgeraldine.com
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