How does being a primary caregiver affect mental health?

“I wanted my father to be taken care of, and I knew that meant he should come live with me.”

Reflecting on her experiences as the primary caregiver for her 88-year-old father, Althea Davis, 56, knows that this intention grounded her through the challenging journey over the last four years.

The chief data officer was living in Dubai with her two daughters, then 18 and 13, and her husband when she brought her widowed father to live with them from Florida, USA.

They were all thrilled to have him around, but his health soon deteriorated. Davis began to feel increasingly stressed and struggled to cope as a primary caregiver.

“Everything was on me. I have a demanding job. My daughters were in a critical transition phase in their lives, so I was trying to be there for them.

“But taking care of my dad was a full-time job. I took him to all his appointments; to the doctors and to social appointments because I know that staying connected to community is important for him. Logistically, I had to set up insurance and I was financially responsible for everything as well. We got a live-in nurse to help, but I had to make sure she was capable and understood my father’s needs and wants.”

Davis recalled running the gamut of emotions, often taking on the brunt of the emotional toll as well.

“When he was having an aggressive episode, we’d have to physically contain him in a heavy way for our safety and his own. There’s a feeling of guilt because I know he’s scared, and he doesn’t know what he’s doing. Other times, when he was verbally attacking me or anybody else in the family, I’d feel angry. Then there was the sadness when it was really bad — I constantly thought: I’m never going to survive this. What was I thinking about bringing him into the house?”

When elderly parents become increasingly dependent on their adult children for care and support, the dynamics of family relationships shift in a way that present psychological and emotional challenges for everyone. “Elderly individuals often tie their self-worth and identity to their ability to manage daily tasks and make decisions autonomously, so the shift from being independent to requiring assistance can have a huge mental impact,” explained Hiba Salem, psychologist and adult specialist at Sage Clinics. “At the same time, caring for ageing parents is a challenging and emotionally taxing responsibility. Adult children who take on this role often face significant mental health challenges.”

The new reality of dependence for elderly parents can lead to feelings of inadequacy, helplessness, and frustration. Their worries about becoming a burden to their adult children — imposing on their time, finances, and overall lives — can cause guilt, heightened anxiety, and depression.

Social isolation, especially when elderly parents move to different environments, can lead to loneliness and increase the risk of depression, anxiety, and cognitive decline.

And while caregiving can be fulfilling, it often brings mental health challenges for adult children including stress, anxiety, depression, guilt, and burnout. Guilt arises when they feel they aren't doing enough, and resentment can develop if caregiving disrupts their lives.

Becoming a caregiver out of obligation can exacerbate these negative feelings for both the elderly parent and the caregiver.

With coping mechanisms and support systems for both parties, however, there are ways to manage the impact on everyone’s mental health.

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