How to build your child's self esteem

Two young women. Two similar stories. But different experiences led them along different paths when it came to developing confidence and self-esteem.

Shweta Kinkale, a 26-year-old e-commerce writer in Dubai, grew up in an environment where beauty and thinness were often praised. By age seven, she had concluded she wasn’t beautiful and wished she could change her body.

“In our culture, people point out if you’ve put on weight, or you aren’t pretty by ‘normal’ standards,” Kinkale said. “My aunties told me that I’m getting chubby all the time. I was just a kid. I started worrying about this stuff way too early.”

Zain Basalat, a 20-year-old journalism student at the American University of Sharjah, had access to Facebook and Instagram at just 10. Her obsession with influencers, combined with a lack of understanding of digital manipulation like Photoshop and filters, eroded her self-esteem.

“Their faces looked perfect—flawless. I was a kid, unsupervised, and obsessed with social media. Their appearance became my own standard of beauty, and I became insecure, especially about my nose,” Zain recalled.

Both women reached a turning point when they opened up to their parents about their insecurities. Their parents provided support, albeit in different ways, which helped them on their journeys to self-acceptance.

“There is no substitute to providing adolescents with a safe space to express their insecurities and self-doubts with non-judgemental listening,” explained Dr Saqib Latif FRCPsych, Clinical Lead Children Services and Consultant Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist at Maudsley Health Abu Dhabi. “Open communication validates feelings and normalises vulnerabilities, helping kids understand that everyone experiences them, and that it is OK to feel uncertain and insecure at times.

“If your pre-teens and teens are coming to you with their problems, that’s the first win.”

The Need to Belong

Kinkale’s parents were initially shocked by her insecurities but used the opportunity to shift her focus.

“My parents reassured me, told me I’m beautiful, and they love me no matter what—the typical things parents say. But they also pushed me to focus on my whole self—my talents, my character, my mind. As I grew older, how I look became a small part of who I am, not the whole part. I’m grateful for the support they gave me,” she said.

Dr. Latif emphasised that many adolescent insecurities stem from the innate human need to belong. Young people often place value on what they see gets rewarded with praise, popularity, acceptance, and love.

“When your kids know they belong to the family unit and feel psychologically safe and accepted just as they are, it sets the foundation for confidence and self-esteem,” he explained.

Parents play a crucial role in reinforcing positive self-worth by praising their children for their character and actions rather than their appearance. Complimenting kindness, bravery, empathy, creativity, and problem-solving skills helps build a more robust sense of self.

The Impact of External Influences

By 17, Zain underwent rhinoplasty and later under-eye filler injections.

“After weeks of debating and many carefully supervised doctor visits, we went ahead with it. My parents supported my decision—they just wanted to see me happy. But I wish they hadn’t, because I completely regret getting a nose job at such a young age. Plastic surgery can snowball, and it doesn’t bring happiness when there are deeper issues behind your dissatisfaction,” Zain reflected.

Adolescents don’t grow up in a bubble. Dr. Latif noted that children are increasingly vulnerable to insecurities due to exposure to unrealistic beauty standards and manipulated digital media.

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