The Hidden Crisis: Men, mental health, and the price of silence

Robin Williams. Kurt Cobain. Stephen "Twitch" Boss. Anthony Bourdain. Lee Sun-kyun. All these are household names, but beyond their talent, fame, and success, what else did these men share?

Each of their lives ended in apparent suicide.

These losses are devastating, nearly unspeakable, yet, they bring to light a crucial and urgent conversation about men’s mental health and the importance of awareness.

The Pressure to Push Through

Many men believe that expressing emotions undermines their masculinity by making them seem less strong, less aggressive, less confident.

However, CDC data showing that men are about four times more likely to die by suicide than women emphasises the need for a shift in perspective.

From an early age, men are often taught to suppress pain and view seeking help as a weakness.

The men that I see in clinic almost always come in reluctantly initially, until they see the supreme benefits of support.

But despite growing awareness of men’s mental health, the stigma around asking for help, largely remains.

Case study

John, 42, father of three, began experiencing severe stress and anxiety after the sudden loss of his father. He handled the estate administration and provided support for his grieving mother and sister, while managing his own grief. Despite the emotional toll, he hesitated to seek help, fearing it might make him look "soft.".

"I kept convincing myself that I’d handle it on my own," John confesses. "Admitting that I was struggling felt like I would no longer be the strong person everyone needed, and depended on."

Months of sleepless nights and panic attacks strained his marriage and family life, and finally forced him to seek my help. But it wasn’t until he was on the verge of burnout—juggling overwhelming responsibilities at work and home—that he realised the cost of ignoring his mental health had become too great.

John’s story is far from unique.

His experience is a familiar pattern among men who avoid addressing their emotional pain until it severely impacts them, and their family too.

The Damaging Costs of Ignoring Help

1. Increased Risk of Mental Health Deterioration:

If left unattended, issues like depression, anxiety, and PTSD often worsen. Isolation and the suppression of emotions magnifies negative feelings, leading to a heightened risk of burnout, and in some cases, suicidal thoughts and actions.

2. Higher Incidence of Substance Abuse:

Men who avoid seeking help often turn to substances like alcohol or drugs as coping mechanisms. Substance abuse can hide mental health issues, but it ultimately worsens them and increases impulsivity—a key risk factor for unplanned violence, and suicide.

3. Relationship Strain and Social Isolation:

Avoiding help strains relationships, resulting in feelings of loneliness and isolation, creating more depression, and sometimes, generating violent tendencies .

4. Work and Financial Stress:

Mental health struggles often harms work performance, causing potential job loss, financial stress, and a lower sense of self-worth. For many men, not being able to fulfill the Provider role adds extra distress.

5. Physical Health Risks:

Mental health impacts physical health, leading to higher rates of hypertension, heart disease, and other stress-related issues, creating a cycle of worsening health..

Practical Steps towards support

1. Prioritise Mental Health

Find safety in expressing emotions: Opening up to a friend or partner, or seeking professional help is life changing. Engaging in activities like journaling, mentor groups, peer groups, support groups, or creative outlets to safely release emotions, reduces the risk of mental health decline.

Therapy and counselling should be seen as preventive care, not as a last resort.

2. Healthier Coping Mechanisms

Stress-Relief Activities: Replace harmful coping habits with exercise, meditation, or mindfulness to manage emotions.

Join/create Support Groups: These provide community, accountability, and guidance without stigma, reducing reliance on unhealthy coping mechanisms and substances.

3. Strengthen Social Connections

Build a Support Network: Participate in group activities, sports, or hobby clubs to form meaningful connections and combat isolation.

Consider Relationship Counselling: Especially valuable for men facing family or marital challenges, as healthy relationships bolster mental health.

4. Manage Work and Financial Stress

Advocate for Workplace Support: Mental health days, stress management workshops, and counselling access can create a supportive work environment.

Seek Financial Guidance: Planning and debt management services can reduce financial stress, easing the pressure of being a provider.

5. Stay Physically Healthy

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