What is 'home' for Third Culture Kids?

Third Culture Kids navigate a unique upbringing shaped by multiple cultures, redefining 'home' as a blend of memories

By Delna Mistry Anand

Published: Thu 17 Oct 2024, 2:20 PM

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What would it be like to grow up in more than one home, or in a culture different from the one your parents were raised in? What would you call home? Ask a group of expats and you will get a different answer from each, yet there’d be a single thread that connects them. Expats, global souls, or simply citizens of everywhere and nowhere — are those people who do not belong to just one place. The term for this unique bunch is called: Third Culture Kids or TCKs.

They are individuals who spend a significant part of their growing years in a country different from their parents’ homeland, and then move to a ‘third culture’ to live, study, or work. Their lives are shaped by multiple cultures at once, living in not just one world, but also in the cracks between. As globalisation accelerates, the number of TCKs is growing, forming a distinct group with shared experiences and challenges, and each has a rich storied background to share.

Key factors

The TCK experience is shaped by several key factors including frequent mobility, which leads to a transient lifestyle and exposure to multiple cultures. Often, TCKs grow up with diverse cultural influences, which is a positive life experience, but it is not uncommon for them to struggle to identify a permanent cultural home. And home wouldn’t necessarily mean a physical place with core memories of growing up. It could be a string of experiences and emotions.

While the absence of a singular cultural anchor offers a greater sense of adaptability and open-mindedness, it can also leave them feeling like outsiders in both their parents’ culture and the countries they live in. This unique blend of experiences shapes their worldview and identity.

My son, of Indian origin but born and raised in Dubai, is now studying in the US. Interestingly, his first connections at university weren’t necessarily with other Indians, but with fellow TCKs, who had similar experiences of growing up away from ‘home’. One of them shared, “When people ask me where I’m from, I pause for a moment, because I don’t know what they want — the country on my passport or the places I grew up in.”

Alexandra Dewar was born in Scotland, raised in the Middle East (UAE and Saudi Arabia), then in New Zealand, back in Scotland and London, and now calls Dubai her home. A true TCK at heart, she says, “I’m Scottish by nationality, proud of my heritage, and I (somehow) have the accent to prove it. But fitting into Scotland has always been a bit challenging for me. After a few years of trying, I realised that my sense of belonging was stronger elsewhere, and I had a persistent fear of missing out when I was in the same place for too long — a common feeling for TCKs.”

This being said, Alexandra feels the advantages outweigh the challenges. “Being a TCK makes life more interesting. Packing up and moving to a different country feels like second nature rather than scary or uncomfortable, which someone who’s only lived in one place might experience.”

As head of a UAE-based consultancy co-launched with her sister, Alexandra feels that this experience helped them in their professional journey, too. “Growing up amid over 200 nationalities, where acceptance, openness, and adaptability were the norm, has been invaluable. Our multicultural upbringing helped us spot an opportunity to build brands that resonate with the diverse UAE audience and the ability to build strong, meaningful relationships.”

British-origin Amber Barron, grappled with the TCK experience especially during her growing years. “In Dubai, whenever someone asked where I was from, I’d say British. But back in the UK, I’d find myself saying I’m from Dubai. I knew I was different but it’s an odd sensation because you look British, sound British, yet face a kind of exile from native Brits. My supervisor went as far to call it racism within your own culture. I basically deduced that my perception of British culture was made up of artificial cultural norms we replicate here. When the two didn’t match up, it caused me to question who I really was”. But in time, she found a blissful understanding and embraced her multicultural upbringing with gratitude once she saw herself as “a citizen of the world, than of one particular country”.

Easy friendships

“For me, the biggest challenge was the stereotypes people have, and explaining it each time was exhausting,” says Sarah Alexandra Morris who was born in London, grew up in Dubai, studied in Switzerland and is back in Dubai, running her own business. On the positive side, she feels that it can also be a great ice-breaker, “I can adapt and feel comfortable talking to almost anyone due to my experiences in different cultures and having had the privilege to meet and befriend people from across the world.”

In a world that thrives on change, a TCKs’ tapestry is woven from multiple cultures and varied stories. The notion of “home” is fluid, encompassing several places rather than a singular location. The domestic space of a home is nothing but a temporary dwelling to TCKs; instead, spaces full of memories and experiences are the one they called “home”. And this somehow connects to one of their most poignant struggles, the quest for identity — a kind of duality often leading to an ongoing search for belonging. “Self-identity” and “rootlessness” becomes a kind of unresolved grief that many grapple with.

Dr. Ruth E. Van Reken, an international speaker on issues relating to global family living, highlights that individuals may experience “cultural homelessness”, feeling they belong everywhere yet nowhere. Research supports these observations, revealing that while TCKs face challenges, their global upbringing often prepares them to thrive in multicultural environments, enhancing their creativity and broadening their worldview.

Tala Majzoub who grew up in Lebanon, lived in Lebanon, Qatar, and US, and now works in Abu Dhabi, writes:

“Where is home?

I will tell you I left my home, then I found home,

then I left it again, with parts of me clinging to it, refusing to let go,

holding tight and demanding the know

Why, I don't have a home, I think I am homeless

I can't seem to know, I think it is pointless

I'm passing by, passing through, passing away, passing on

Yet this lingering need for belonging that I continue to seek, bleak

Until I begin to find home in the strangers that stop by,

say hello and a quick goodbye

But wait, you see, I still have a home,

In fact, I'm homeful

For I belong here and now, In the abundance that surrounds,

In you, in him, in them, in me,

I have a home, one that sets me free.

So you see, I am not homeless,

I am homeful, in all its fullness,

A liberating sense of belonging, one I cannot deny,

A place to call home, until the day I die

For many TCKs, home isn’t just a place — it’s a feeling. A child who grew up in Dubai will feel nostalgic about the World Trade Centre, a Thursday-Friday (and later Friday-Saturday) weekend, Al Nasr Leisureland and Oman Chips — no matter what their nationality. Though each story is uniquely their own, the common emotion of Dubai in the 80s or 90s bind them into their own little TCK community. And as the world becomes more and more interconnected, the TCK experience may soon be the rule rather than the exception.

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