Why does thinking make me tired?

"From the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep, that is, if I can sleep, my brain is a relentless loop of what-ifs and worst-case scenarios. It wasn’t until I sought help that I realised overthinking was draining my energy, impacting my health, and stealing my peace."

Jane, a 35-year-old marketing executive, recounts her daily struggle with overthinking, and her 'aha' moment from working with me to resolve it.

Her story highlights a common yet often overlooked mental health issue that affects millions of adults.

What you need to know

Overthinking is a silent but pervasive issue. It can begin harmlessly enough—a thought here, a concern there, but it can quickly spiral into an overwhelming mental jumble, leaving you anxious and unfocussed.

Often dismissed as “trivial”, overthinking actually has deep roots in childhood defence mechanisms, and can lead to significant emotional distress if left unaddressed.

If you are seeking to break free from its grip, or if you are dealing with an over thinker, understanding its roots, expressions, and potential resolutions is game changer.

There’s nothing wrong with you, It’s just patterning!

The seeds of overthinking are often sown in childhood. Psychologists and trauma specialists have long proposed that overthinking is a by-product of defence mechanisms developed during the early years of life.

Children who grow up in unpredictable, stressful environments may often develop the habit of overthinking as a way to best survive their circumstances. By analysing every detail and predicting potential outcomes, they create a sense of safety for themselves in an otherwise chaotic world.

Children who experience neglect, emotional abuse, conditional love/acceptance, or inconsistency in their care-giving are particularly prone to developing overthinking patterns.

Dr. Gabor Maté, a renowned trauma expert, notes, “Children who experience trauma often develop hyper-vigilance and an overactive mind as a way to anticipate and prevent further harm.”

Psychotherapist Dr Bessel van der Kolk says these children may become hyper-vigilant, constantly analysing their surroundings to predict and prevent potential threats.

However, while this heightened state of alertness may mean “safety” in an insecure childhood environment, it becomes maladaptive when carried into adulthood.

Overthinking in Childhood: The Early Signs

Childhood expressions of overthinking include an increased sensitivity to criticism, a tendency to ruminate on perceived mistakes, and difficulty making decisions.

The child may become excessively concerned with making the "right" decisions, constantly asking for reassurance from parents, teachers and peers.

They can often display perfectionist tendencies, spending an excessive amount of time on schoolwork or other tasks to ensure everything is flawless..

The child can become consumed by the need to avoid errors or negative outcomes.

Anxiety-related behaviours, such as difficulty sleeping or frequent stomach or other unexplained aches, can also be signs of overthinking.

Childhood survival patterns become adult personality

As these children grow into adults, the habit of overthinking becomes ingrained and persistent. Adults who overthink tend to ruminate on past events, worry excessively about the future, and struggle with decision-making, frequently fearing the consequences of making the wrong choice.

A study published in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry found that children who overthink are at a higher risk for developing anxiety disorders later in life.

Life Impact

The constant mental churning can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, and even depression, thus impacting an adult's ability to function competently and efficiently. The resulting procrastination and avoidance behaviours further feed into a cycle of stress, self-doubt, and a lack of confidence.

Relationship impact

Personal relationships suffer strain as overthinkers often overanalyse every interaction, leading to unnecessary conflicts and misunderstandings. This can be hard to live with, but these adults who cannot make quick decisions learned at a young age that their very survival depended on them assessing a situation from every angle to alleviate potential threat or danger.

Menopause Impact

“Can you just help me shut down my overthinking mind?” is a common plea I hear from overwhelmed menopausal and perimenopausal women. Changes in hormonal and life circumstances increases susceptibility to stress and emotional upheaval. Research highlights that hormone fluctuations may make overthinking more prevalent and disruptive during the change of life.

Beyond the Surface: Deep Solutions for Lasting Change

Ultimately, the journey to overcome overthinking is about more than just silencing the mind: its about understanding and healing the wounds that fuel the behaviour.

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