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Why is it so tiring to be positive all the time?

What's the difference between practising gratitude and being toxically positive?

For Aisha Kaur, a Singaporean expat who has lived in Kuwait for the past 27 years, the pressure to always “stay positive” once felt like the only way to navigate life’s challenges. Trying so hard to cultivate and maintain a positive mindset all the time left her exhausted.

“My mindset was all about avoiding negative emotions and convincing myself that ‘everything is fine’, even when it wasn’t,” Kaur reflected. “I thought I was being strong. I avoided deeper conversations and steered away from vulnerability. I didn’t allow myself to process or acknowledge what I truly felt. It made me feel disconnected, anxious, and frustrated without understanding why. I wasn’t truly happy — I was just numb.”

It wasn’t until she began her journey with Magda Snowden, a mental agility expert who has been based in the UAE for the past six years, that Kaur realised she was practicing toxic positivity.

“Toxic positivity dismisses or denies negative emotions, pushing individuals to stay positive at all times, which often leads to internal conflict,” said the British mental health first aider and leadership and team transformation coach. “It prevents people from addressing the root causes of their challenges and processing their emotions fully.”

Ironically, when people deny themselves the ability to feel negative emotions and force positivity, they get stuck in a negative loop. Without addressing the ‘elephant in the room’, negativity festers and grows to the point that you are unable to acknowledge, work through, and move past it.

“Toxic positivity pushes a narrative that if you’re not feeling positive, you're doing something wrong. It creates a sense of shame around experiencing perfectly normal emotions like sadness or frustration,” said Snowden. “Over time, this can negatively impact mental health and lead to burnout, dissatisfaction, and even depression, as people feel forced to “fake positivity.”

Snowden explained how gratitude can help break that toxic cycle by allowing for a more complete emotional experience. It encourages individuals to appreciate the positives while allowing space for the full range of real emotions. Practicing gratitude requires intentional effort and awareness. It’s a powerful emotional tool for creating change, not blind optimism. It works best when applied consistently and paired with action. It helps people appreciate the present while moving forward with purpose.

“Gratitude promotes resilience, emotional balance, and long-term well-being. It’s healthier because it involves emotional honesty and self-compassion, which are essential for mental agility and overall psychological health,” she said.

In her work with Snowden, Kaur learned about mindful gratitude – a practice that has had a profound impact on her mental and emotional well-being.

Mindful gratitude, as Kaur explained, is about “being present with my emotions whether they made me feel positive or were challenging. I stopped rushing to ‘fix’ uncomfortable emotions with positivity and instead began to sit with and learn from them.”

By using dual gratitude journal, Kaur would write down both what she was grateful for in a moment and a challenge she was facing. This exercise helped her reframe challenges as opportunities for growth without denying the emotional weight they carried.

The impact of this mindset shift is clear in Kaur’s sense of self-compassion and resilience.

“By practicing mindful gratitude, I’ve learned to be more accepting of my imperfections and challenges. I focus on what’s going well without ignoring the tough moments. This balance has helped me bounce back from setbacks with more clarity and less self-judgment. Resilience isn’t about never falling — it’s about allowing yourself the space to feel, process, and rise again stronger.”

A fine balance

Snowden explained how that balance between gratitude and growth is often misunderstood.

“A common misconception about gratitude is that it prevents you from seeing areas that need improvement or stops you from striving for more — if you’re grateful for what you have, you’ll become complacent. But studies show that being grateful doesn’t mean settling. It creates a foundation of positivity that empowers individuals to take action from a place of appreciation rather than lack.”

In the workplace, Snowden, who has worked with clients across different sectors, said, “When leaders encourage a culture of gratitude, it fosters psychological safety and creates a supportive environment. Avoid the trap of toxic positivity by acknowledging that challenges exist while using gratitude to help teams navigate them.”

Kaur’s newfound approach to gratitude also had a ripple effect on her professional relationships as the head of marketing and sales in the healthcare industry. “I find myself more present and empathetic in my interactions. I acknowledge both the highs and the lows, which has strengthened my relationships and created a culture of trust with my colleagues. Gratitude has helped me lead with more authenticity.”

Snowden echoes this sentiment, emphasising that gratitude, when practiced mindfully, is transformative. “It builds resilience, reduces stress, and fosters a growth-oriented mindset. The key is consistency — making gratitude an unconscious habit.”

Mindful Gratitude Cheat Sheet

If you’re looking at practicing gratitude mindfully, here are some easy starting points to help get you started:

Acknowledge All Emotions: Instead of dismissing negative feelings, allow yourself to experience and process them. This creates emotional resilience and leads to more genuine gratitude.

Practice Non-Judgment: Accept emotions without labelling them as “good” or “bad”. By doing so, you open yourself up to learning from your experiences, rather than resisting them.

Cultivate Present Awareness: Mindful gratitude emphasises being fully present. Rather than forcing yourself to be grateful for everything, focus on small, meaningful aspects of life you genuinely appreciate.

Reframe, Don’t Deny: Rather than denying difficulties, reframe them by finding ways they help you grow or offer new perspectives. This helps you appreciate challenges as learning opportunities without bypassing the struggle.

Gratitude as a Practice, Not Obligation: Instead of feeling pressured to always be grateful, approach gratitude as an intentional practice. This allows you to express appreciation authentically rather than out of a sense of duty.

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