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Dear Therapist: 'I'm always arguing with my mother'

Making sense of the world we inhabit

I don’t share a good relationship with my mother. We always have arguments and it’s getting to a point now where it’s affecting our relationship. I don’t feel like talking to her or even living in the same house as her. At times, I feel suffocated. — Name withheld

Dear Writer, I am sorry to hear that you have a troubled relationship with your mother. It is not clear what the arguments are about, but generally most distressed relationships can benefit from modification in communication or negotiation skills! Often, during heated disagreements, our emotions are heightened leading to further escalation. Instead if either your mother or you worked on regulating and channelising those emotions, you may reach a point of agreement on some level (if not on all). In your case, understanding and recognising what causes these disagreements can go a long way in building solutions. However, it’s quite possible that the two of you are very different from each other (or similar) which could be the force feeding recurring arguments. In any case, learning to step back can definitely help improve your relationship with her. Moreover, you may seek professional help if this has been going on for years to help understand the dynamics better.

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