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Dear Therapist: My wife and mother can't stop fighting

My wife and mother don't get along and I find myself stuck in the middle of all their fights. This has been going on for years where I've just been neutral because if I take a side the other person will get upset. Instead, I always have to side with my mother to calm her down as she will get too upset if I side my wife but many times my wife is actually right. I don't know what to do. - Name withheld

Dear Writer, yours is quite a common predicament that Husbands find themselves in! It’s disheartening that you are dragged into conflicts that have nothing to do with you. You claim to be neutral but I sense that you feel duty-bound to agree with your mother for emotional reasons, despite your spouse being correct. It would help if you initiated a dialogue with your wife on ways to de-escalate and reduce the frequency of the arguments prior to its occurrence. When one of them learns to regulate their emotions and avoid triggers, it could help restore peace at home. You can also try mediating the conflicts (when both the parties are calm) by creating a contract between the two, especially if the topics are recurring and have never found resolution. That being said, involving yourself in this can intensify the power struggle and you may unnecessarily experience stress. Staying neutral at all times would therefore be advised, since it’s unlikely that they will reach an agreement.

wknd@khaleejtimes.com