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Movie Review: Robot overdose

The latest Transformers is just way, way more of the same, says Jocelyn Noveck

Photo: Agencies

Crash. Shatter. Boom. Crash. Shatter. Boom. Smattering of silly dialogue. Pretty girl screams: “Dad!” Crash. Shatter. Boom. Silly dialogue. “DAD!!!” Crash. Shatter. Boom.

What? Oh, sorry. We were falling into a trance there.

Which is, dear moviegoer, what may happen to you during Michael Bay’s Transformers: Age of Extinction, the fourth Transformers film and, at 165 minutes, precariously close to the three-hour mark that Bay undoubtedly will reach — by our sophisticated calculations, and at the current growth rate, with his sixth installment.

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Despite what you’ve just read, this film will likely be a massive hit because by now, if you’re buying a Transformers ticket, you surely know what you’re getting into, and you want more, more, more. And Bay is the Master of More.

This time, there’s a whole new human cast. Most important, Mark Wahlberg has replaced Shia LaBeouf as, well, Main Human Guy, and the good news is that Wahlberg’s grounded quality, rough charm and really nice biceps make him a thoroughly welcome presence. The bad news: He isn’t immune to the numbing effects of some desperately cheesy dialogue (Ehren Kruger wrote the screenplay).

A significant part of the movie also takes place in China — clearly a nod to the franchise’s huge market there. In any case, we begin in Paris, Texas, where Cade Yeager (Wahlberg), a struggling inventor, is desperately seeking a big discovery. He’s also a widowed dad, and super-protective (as the movie incessantly reminds us) of his high-school daughter, Tessa (Nicola Peltz, blonde and pretty and ineffective, though the one-note script does her no favours).

One day, Cade buys a rusty old truck. Examining it back home, he soon discovers it’s none other than Optimus Prime, the Autobot hero, seriously damaged.

As Cade works on fixing him up, his assistant, wisecracking surfer-dude Lucas (T.J. Miller, mildly amusing), has the dumb idea of calling the authorities. What he doesn’t know is that the government — actually, the head of CIA black ops, Harold Attinger (Kelsey Grammer, expertly villainous) — is plotting to destroy all remaining Autobots in favour of a man-made army of Transformers.

So now, it’s evil humans pitted against the trustworthy Autobots. There’s also a subplot involving Tessa and her secret boyfriend, Shane (Jack Reynor, underused).

The obvious question: is it too much for its own good? Bay is very talented at all things visual, the 3-D works well and the robots look great. But the final confrontation alone lasts close to an hour, and at some point, you may find yourself simply in a daze, unable to absorb any further action into your brain.

One viewer’s migraine is another’s euphoria. You decide.