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'I’m fighting my demons': Francis Ngannou opens up about loss, death, and finding light in his darkest hours

The MMA legend and former UFC heavyweight champion is all set to make his highly anticipated return to the cage in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, for PFL's 'Battle of the Giants'

You can’t thrive when you have to survive, we’re told. But once you do survive whatever it is that you’re made to face, you have a unique will in you to see yourself thrive. To give yourself everything you didn’t have growing up—including the right to dream. It’s often those who were denied the right to dream in their childhood who turn out to be the dreammakers the world eventually looks up to. This is why the underdog story is, and will continue to be, one of the most-told stories in cinema history. No matter how many times we hear it, we’re still in awe of the man who defied all odds to achieve greatness.

Francis Ngannou, the athlete who has long struck fear into the hearts of his opponents in the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC), is more than just a fighter. Born in Batié, Cameroon, Ngannou grew up in extreme poverty in a small African village. He started working in sand quarries at the age of 10 to support his family. Despite a difficult upbringing, Ngannou had dreams of becoming a boxer, idolising figures like Mike Tyson.

Even though he couldn't pursue boxing immediately due to lack of infrastructure and resources, this passion never left him. At 26, Ngannou decided to leave Cameroon and move to Europe to pursue his dream of becoming a professional fighter. This journey was far from easy, and involved travelling through various countries, including Morocco, and spending time in detention in Spain.

When we discuss his harrowing journey to Europe—one often romanticised but fraught with hardships—Ngannou clarifies the reality of his experience. “It wasn't just about sitting on a boat; it was over a year-long struggle to get to Europe,” he emphasises. “And by any means necessary, we were moving—whether by transportation, walking, running, or even crawling if needed. We kept moving. That’s how we got there. Those were some of the toughest times for sure.”

Driven by the singular goal of finding better opportunities in boxing, he faced innumerable obstacles, yet doubt never clouded his vision. “When I left my country, it wasn’t because I wanted to escape. It was solely to find a better opportunity in boxing, otherwise, I wouldn’t have left,” he admits.

Even in his lowest moments, Ngannou always had a feeling that something was out there for him. “I was always driven by one dream—one goal, one vision of a life I didn’t have but could have."

How it all began

His love for combat sports formed a significant part of his childhood—a desire so strong as though he was born only to fulfil it. “I always loved everything combat-related,” he recalls. Yet, it wasn't until he was 13 that he made a pivotal decision, to fearlessly follow his dreams. “I was thrown out of school, frustrated and angry,” he adds. “I was very angry as a child because I was repeatedly thrown out of the classroom for various reasons, whether it was not having a notebook, a book, a pen, or not being able to pay my school fees. I never felt like I fit in.”

The condescending gaze of his peers all around shifted something within him, Ngannou recounts. “One of the things that hurt me the most was the way other kids looked at me. They looked at me like I was nothing. What have I done to deserve this?” he'd ask himself, grappling with feelings of worthlessness, growing up.

But rather than succumb to self-pity, Ngannou chose empowerment. “They didn’t have any more worth than I did; they didn’t deserve anything better than I did. I was just a kid like them,” he says. “The little things I had, which they took for granted, were the things I worked hard for. They were just lucky to have parents who could provide for them, which I didn’t have. I decided that I was going to show everyone who ever looked down on me that I wasn’t worthless."

With that epiphany, Ngannou set his sights on boxing—a dream fuelled by years of longing. However, living in a remote village presented challenges; there were no gyms for miles. It took him nearly a decade to find his way to a boxing gym, in a different continent, but his determination never waned. “I couldn't live without that dream,” he admits.

In moments of despair, what Ngannou found great solace in was his dreams. “Dreams are free,” he says, offering a piece of wisdom to the youth who feel lost. “You can allow yourself to dream as much as you want. It keeps you motivated and pushes you forward.” Those dreams were what served as his guiding light, especially during his darkest hours, he admits. “My reality was so heartbreaking that I had to build a virtual world in my imagination. That world wasn’t real, but it brought me peace.”

Message to Gen-Z

In today’s fast-paced world, where social media dominates and constant distractions abound, mental health issues are on the rise, particularly among Gen-Z. The reigning heavyweight champion points out that understanding the foundations of our goals, and what drives us, is essential to navigating turbulent waters. Not only in the fighting world but also for anyone grappling with the complexities of life in the modern age.

“The struggles we see today among young people often stem from a lack of direction and a clear understanding of priorities.” He believes that defining one’s goals is similar to charting a course with a GPS, without a destination, the journey can become aimless and exhausting.

“Imagine leaving your home without a plan,” he adds. “You hop in your car and drive, only to be faced with roadblocks and detours. If you had entered a destination into your GPS, you could navigate those obstacles, recalibrating your route as necessary. But without that initial goal, you may find yourself turning back, feeling exhausted yet achieving nothing.”

The UFC exit

Ngannou made his UFC debut on December 19, 2015, against Luis Henrique. His early UFC career was marked by a string of vicious knockouts that made him one of the most feared heavyweights in the sport. His power and athleticism have been considered remarkable, earning him the nickname 'The Predator'. In March 2021, Ngannou earned a rematch against Stipe Miocic at UFC 260, where he knocked Miocic out in the second round to become the UFC Heavyweight Champion—a victory often touted as one of the most dramatic comebacks in UFC history.

However, life’s journey is rarely linear. Ngannou faced a pivotal moment when he made the difficult decision to leave the UFC in 2023, over contract dispute revolving around issues like fighter pay and the opportunity to pursue boxing.

Leaving the UFC was a bold move, one that sent shockwaves through the fighting world. Ngannou acknowledges the risk involved, but for him, it was a necessary leap. “It was just a step into the next level,” he says. “Sometimes, you have to stop and refuel, change your tires, and reset to continue your journey. It’s not about halting progress; it’s about ensuring you can move forward with greater momentum.”

What ‘freedom’ feels like

Now, no longer confined by the boundaries of a single organisation, Ngannou stands as a fighter who is not just defined by his championship belts or accolades. “I left UFC because I didn’t want to be bound by any organisation. I just want to be Francis Ngannou, a name that speaks for itself, independent of any label.”

Ngannou believes that true strength is not merely about victories in the ring but about the resilience to rise after a fall. “In every setback, there lies an opportunity for growth. Embracing challenges and pushing through obstacles are what truly define a champion," he adds. “The path to greatness is not just about reaching the summit. It’s about the journey, the struggles, the lessons learned along the way.”

In May 2023, Ngannou signed with the Professional Fighters League (PFL), a fast-growing Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) organisation that offered him more freedom and opportunities. The contract came as a significant move because it allowed Ngannou to maintain autonomy over his career and prioritise his desire to box, which UFC contracts typically restrict.

When asked about the newfound freedom he’s achieved through the PFL contract, Ngannou has only one word, which comes to mind: Freedom. “Do you know the cost of freedom?” he asks, before he answers his own question. “As soon as you have freedom, the rest of the world is open to you. Freedom is priceless.”

Facing the demons within

But behind the aura of an invincible fighter lies a vulnerable man who, like anyone else, feels fear. “I’ve been scared, very scared lately. Not of an opponent in the cage, but of things I have no control over, things that can catch you around the corner,” admits Ngannou, who’s all set to return to the cage, taking on the reigning PFL heavyweight champion, Renan Ferreira, in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, on October 19.

As he gears up for his highly anticipated return to MMA, Ngannou clarifies one thing: “It’s not a comeback. I never left.” To him, this next fight is simply another challenge, but one that carries a deeper meaning. “This fight has more purpose. I’m fighting against my demons, first and foremost.”

Earlier this year, the news of his 15-week-old son's demise due to an undiagnosed brain malformation sent shockwaves across the industry. Still grieving this loss, Ngannou reflects that his true battle now is not against external factors, but against the demons that reside within.

When asked about his thoughts on the often-feared idea of death, Ngannou remains unfazed. “I don’t want to cross paths with it, at least not now,” he says calmly. Death, like fear, is something he acknowledges, but doesn’t focus on. “It’s inevitable,” he adds, “but I’d prefer it comes later rather than sooner.”

Giving back

Beyond the cage, Ngannou’s purpose extends far beyond his own ambitions. Through his foundation in Cameroon, he’s committed to providing opportunities for young people that he never had growing up.

“We have two mega training facilities, we organise events, and we’re trying to develop and motivate them,” he adds. But the foundation’s mission isn’t limited to combat sports. Ngannou's foundation has recently expanded its reach, launching an IT centre to equip young people with technological skills. “It’s about personal development and allowing kids to believe that they matter.”

Rise of MMA in the Middle East

Reflecting on the burgeoning MMA scene in the Arab world, particularly in the UAE and Saudi Arabia, Ngannou seems excited. “I’ve been following the development,” he says, recalling his meetings with federations in Saudi Arabia and witnessing their vision for the future of combat sports. “They really intend to make it global, to make athletes grow and live out of their passion.”

When asked if there are any Arab fighters he’d like to see across from him in the cage, Ngannou pauses, then smiles. “Not yet,” he says with a chuckle, “but I’m sure we’ll get there soon.”

somya@khaleejtimes.com

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