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UAE: How to get out of a toxic marriage; is divorce the only option?

A 31-year-old Arab woman described the early stages of her marriage as seemingly perfect; but over time, she noticed signs of manipulation and control

The number of divorce cases in the UAE, particularly in Abu Dhabi, have decreased over the past couple of years, according to the Abu Dhabi Judicial Department (ADJD). As the stigma surrounding separation diminishes, many, however, still find themselves confronting a difficult question: “Is divorce the only way out of a toxic marriage?”

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While divorce is often considered the ultimate solution, there are alternatives, noted Dr Myrna Chawbah, clinical psychologist at Medcare. She told Khaleej Times: "Body separation is an option where spouses live separately without dissolving the marriage. This approach allows couples to maintain their marital bond while ending cohabitation, offering a middle ground for those not ready for a complete break.”

Marriage counselling is a crucial step in addressing issues within a toxic marriage. "A psychologist can help individuals understand the dynamics of their relationship and work towards personal development," noted Dr Chawbah.

However, she also emphasised that while counselling can offer valuable insights and options, it often requires a strong commitment from both partners to bring about meaningful change in their marital life.

“In some situations, divorce may indeed be the best or only option. In cases of domestic violence, immediate separation is crucial for the safety of the victim and any children involved. Recognising when a relationship is beyond repair is essential to making the decision to leave,” Dr Chawbah underscored.

Eman's story

Khaleej Times spoke with Eman (full name not revealed at request), a 31-year-old Arab who went through a divorce to get away from a toxic marriage.

Eman described the early stages of her marriage as seemingly perfect, but over time, she noticed signs of manipulation and control.

"The constant stress and anxiety took a huge toll on my mental health. I felt trapped, worthless, and constantly on edge," Eman shared. Her self-esteem plummeted, and she began to doubt her abilities as a mother and person.

Despite trying open communication, advice from family elders, and couple's therapy, Eman's husband refused to change his behaviour. "We also tried counselling, but it didn’t help as my husband was not willing to make any real changes," Eman said.

The final straw came when Eman's husband's behaviour started affecting their child. "I couldn’t allow her to grow up in such a toxic environment. I realised that staying would harm her more than leaving would," Eman explained.

After the divorce, Eman felt a mix of relief and fear. "Relief because I was finally free from the toxic environment, and fear because I was stepping into the unknown, responsible for myself and my child," she recalled. In hindsight, Eman believes there were no viable alternative to divorce. Thankfully, she said her life has since improved significantly, and she regained self-esteem and confidence.

Identifying a toxic relationship

According to Dr Myrna, a toxic marriage is one where the relationship predominantly causes pain and challenges rather than joy and support. "If you're struggling in your intimate relationship more than 20 per cent of the time, there may be something wrong," she explained.

Common signs of a toxic marriage include poor communication, disrespect, high levels of resentment, and boundaries not being respected, she added. These warning signs often manifest as decreased intimacy, domineering behaviours, frequent blaming, and even emotional, verbal, or physical abuse.

Living in a toxic marriage can have profound psychological and emotional effects. "The constant state of stress, fear, or anxiety can lead to deterioration in mental health, including depression, anxiety disorders, and even post-traumatic stress disorder," Dr Myrna noted.

These effects can be long-lasting, impacting an individual's overall well-being and quality of life. The physical health implications of a toxic marriage are equally concerning.

"Sleep disorders, gastrointestinal problems, dizziness, palpitations, hormonal imbalances, and a weakened immune system are common among those in unhealthy relationships," Dr Myrna noted, adding: “The body's response to continuous stress and emotional turmoil can result in significant health issues.”

“Transforming a toxic marriage into a healthy one is challenging but not impossible. It takes a lot of willpower, effort, and time to eliminate toxicity or bitterness from a bond," Dr Chawbah explained.

This means, couples must be willing to communicate openly, forgive, and work through underlying issues to create a functional relationship. However, this process is neither quick nor easy.

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