3's a crowd

Friendship between the sexes has been a subject that 
has been tackled many times over in pop culture. From movies like When Harry 
Met Sally and My Best Friend’s Wedding, to Hum Tum and the more recent Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani; to television series like Friends and How I Met Your Mother, it is almost as if they are out to prove 
that a girl and a boy cannot be ‘just friends’. But real life is a whole different ballgame, and while some close friendships lead to love, there are many that remain platonic.

But the dynamics tend to change a little bit when either of the friends finds a partner. While some are comfortable and completely okay with the other being close to a friend of the opposite sex, at times, it leads to complications.

Beware! According to a survey carried out by Men's Health magazine, which was taken by over 5,000 men, a man is 25% more likely to dump his girlfriend if his closest female friend can convince him Easy Break If you are unable to cut ties with your ex, there is a website called breakupwithyourex.com, which is dedicated only to reasons why the ex needs to be out of your life, and according to a Yahoo! survey, 57% of the men in the US have logged on to it

Best friends with ex

23-year-old journalist Alicia Preston* has been with fellow journalist Bob Worley* for the past three-and-a-half years — since they met in college. While she does have many guy friends, she was initially not comfortable with the fact that he was best friends with Stella, a girl he knew since school — and who he had also dated briefly. “I was very uncomfortable with the fact that he was still so close to his ex — who he now claimed she was just a ‘friend’. Even though they had not dated for very long, it was something that constantly nagged me. We had major fights because of it, and almost broke once,” she says.

But Bob eventually eased her into the situation and made her meet Stella; after meeting her a few times, Alicia realised she did not have anything to worry out, and was comfortable with them hanging out alone without feeling insecure.

Even though Stella is now married, Alicia messages her occasionally, and they share a cordial relationship.

Long-distance insecurities

Abu Dhabi-based 26-year-old finance executive Shyam Krishnan’s relationship started out as a long-distance one, and while he is an introvert, his partner, who was in India at the time, is an extrovert and has a couple of close guy friends. “It did bother me at first that she was 
out late at night with another guy I did not know, watching movies, and going for dinners. I knew they spoke a lot, spent a lot of time together and had known each other a very long time. I questioned her a few times about the relationship they shared, and while she was clear that there were no feelings involved, honestly, it did bother me a little, especially since I was so far away,” Shyam confesses.

GOT NO WORRY: Once Shyam got to know Aastha's friends, he realised he had nothing to worry about, and formed a bond with them

On his next trip to India, he met her friends, and got along very well with them. He also realised he had nothing to worry about. His partner Aastha* rues, “They get along so well now that sometimes when I have a fight with my friends, he takes their side instead of mine — there’s a whole bromance 
going on.”

Virtual friendship

George Duchnell*, a 37-year-old interior designer based in Dubai, met his best friend in a chat-room online. He had been dating his wife then, and this was at the time when MSN chat-rooms were the hottest places to hang out. That is where he met Amy* and the two would spend hours chatting. “Then, we started chatting one-on-one outside the chat-room, and when I was leaving Dubai to travel to Paris where she was studying, she called me, and we decided to meet up. She is almost 10 years younger to me, but we enjoyed hanging out together, even though she would constantly joke about me being bald,” he laughs. They continued to talk for many years, and during this time he got married. His wife *Anna did not understand his fascination with meeting people online who she was wary of, and urged him to spend time in the real world instead. She did know that he spoke to Amy a lot, but had a problem with her only because she was an online entity to her, and not one of his real-life female friends who she had met, and gotten along with.

“Amy would fall in love with every other guy, and that is not something I approved of. I was attracted to her, 
and protective, so we constantly kept fighting. My wife did suspect something was going on given how I used to react anytime her name came up, but she never probed me to know more, or 
show any interest in getting to know her,” he says.

Eventually, George cut off all contacts with Amy, and he was glad his wife never knew the way he was beginning to feel about Amy.

Close company

Leher and Karan Sethi had an arranged marriage, and they have been married for three years. While Karan had a 
close set of male friends who he has known since they were kids in school, he does have a few friends who are female who he is close to. Leher, on the other hand, has a male best friend, Manik, who she met in college, and has been close to since.

HAPPY TOGETHER: Karan and Leher have forged friendships with each other’s friends

“Manik and I used to talk a lot — over the phone, late into the night, text and meet at every chance possible. Initially, I knew Karan wasn’t very comfortable with that, but he never said anything to me. Since they were both important to me, I wanted them to be comfortable with each other. It took some time, and since we’ve been married, it makes me happy they get along better,” she says.

“I was uncomfortable initially that she was so close to another person, especially since he was a guy,” admits Karan. The first time he had met Manik was on their engagement, but they did talk a few times after, and eventually got comfortable. “I never asked her to cut down, it would not be fair, but it happened on its own gradually, since they got busy with their respective lives.”

When asked about how she warmed up to his girlfriends, Karan tells us that while she was comfortable around most of them, there was one who was a bit of a trouble, especially since she had misbehaved once after they were newly married, and neither of them liked it. “It led Leher to believe that they may have been something there, which there absolutely wasn’t. I was extremely disappointed in the way she [the female friend] had behaved, putting my relationship in jeopardy and I cut her off. It made things between Leher and I uncomfortable for a while, but we both soon got over the episode. In fact, recently, she showed up at a common friend’s party, and while Leher made an effort to talk to her, I am still mad at her for what she did,” Karan says.

Takes two to tango

Sonam Savlani and Nandan Kini are a Mumbai-based couple who have been together for the past seven years; both have male and female friends they are incredibly close to. “When we started dating, he spoke a lot about his friends, and it made me want to get to know them better. I didn’t want to judge anyone before I had met them, especially since he had been completely honest with the details. I knew one of his best friends had a big crush on him, but it was all out in the open, plus she was nice to me, so there was no awkward silence there,” says Sonam. She gives Nandan a lot of credit for going out of his way to make her feel comfortable, and ensuring she has fun every time she came out with his friends. She also admits that she loves how he makes effort to be with her friends as well. “It has come to a point where they have become more his friends than mine,” she laughs.

PERFECT TEAMMATES: Nandan and Sonam make an extra effort to spend time with each other's friends

Nandan is quite a bit of a night bird which means he hangs out late into the night with his female friends, driving around town. “I trust him enough to know I have nothing to worry about. Though one time, he did lie to me about hanging out at night with a friend of his I didn’t like at the time. Even though I later understood he did so to save me the anguish, it backfired. He hasn’t done so since.”

“When Sonam first told me about her closest guy friend, I wasn’t insecure. Since I had a lot of close female friends myself, I realise that there can be a platonic friendship without it getting messy. Over time though, the friend did develop feelings for her, and she told me about it — but the fact that she was so open about it made me secure,” says Nandan.

Seeing the current real-life trends, maybe it’s time reel catches up!

- aarti@khaleejtimes.com