All lines are busy

People worry about major issues like atomic warfare and whether their house is earthquake-proof. I worry about less grand things like why are all agents at the other end of the line busy serving other customers.
It does not matter whichever service I am calling in whatever part of the world, I am always told all lines are busy. I am happy for the customers and may they get ace service, but if I have to listen to your drivel for 10 minutes, then two factors rise to the fore. One, you have a crappy company because there are so many complaints. Get your act together, mate, you can't be doing that good if there are always folks complaining. After all, don't you have a good day at the office when no one complains and life is a bed of roses. Second, you are slave-driving these agents because they do not seem to get a second's break; they're always busy.
It doesn't matter. Banks, TV satellite companies, public services, hotels - they're always booked. In fact, on that rare day when you get through to an agent instantly, you are caught off guard. Hey, you are not supposed to answer the phone immediately, what are you, a trainee, what's your hurry, mister, we haven't gone through the plink, plink muzak repertoire or the promotional spiel for your new offer. Considering there are 11 million unemployed people on the planet, why not just shove in a few more lines and give more folks jobs?
I called an airline to redo my flight to Dubai. They were busy serving others in the morning, in the evening, at night and at 0530 before the sun had come up. You must be supremely inefficient if all your lines are booked at that hour. Who the heck, except myself, would be up with the crowing cock and calling you to redo a flight?
Finally, I got a guy on the line who told me this was not the right number and gave me another number. Presto, I got through after a bath and a shave, and they said they were not the right number and gave me the first number in what was now becoming a telephonic ping pong game.
So, I dialled the first number and he told me, "Yes, you got it," to dial the other number because that was the right number and I said, "Look, tell you what, you dial it and talk to them on my behalf, I give you power of attorney."
Then have you noticed how they ask you ever so politely if you don't mind waiting while they check out your complaint and you always fall for it and say, "Sure, I can wait," and they go off and now you don't know whether they are coming back and you put your mobile on loudspeaker and start doing other chores and now it's been a long time going and you are still not sure if you are connected and you finally make a momentous decision and decide to end the call and as you put it down, you hear that person say hello and you try desperately to retrieve the call, but you have disconnected and now you have to go through the whole song and dance again, language, choice, dial 4, then dial 5, then give your 16-digit number and surrender your freedom.
Now and then, they kick you upstairs. "I will have to check with my supervisor, Sir", and you feel, oh wow they are giving me priority, really taking me seriously, and there is silence as you visualise the board members meeting under the MD to discuss my problem and what is really happening is the agent is having a tea and a sandwich or has gone to the loo or is catching up on the latest gossip. Then they come back and say, "Sorry to keep you waiting", and we are such wimps, we understand, we tell them it's alright when it isn't.
Then they have that hope springs eternal game they play on you. Like your waiting time is four minutes. And you feel, okay that I can live with, Roger Bannister ran a mile in under four minutes, so did Herb Elliot and a hundred others, except it isn't four minutes because six minutes later, they are still saying three minutes and you wonder what sort of clock they have.
Don't say things like your waiting time is one minute when 20 minutes later, that minute is still ticking along.
And do not, do not say, "Is there anything else I can help you with?", if you haven't solved my problem.
This airline, they want me to come four hours before departure so I can pay them more money to fly the same route. If you come late, I am told on Try 19, we may not board you.
Paradoxically, at the same time they have sent me an SMS saying I should reach Delhi airport and carry a pre-printed boarding pass and go straight to the gate and duck check in.
Obviously, someone on this carrier is not talking to the other person.
wknd@khaleejtimes.com