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Diwali 101: Introduction to couples celebrations

Mary Paulose & Rohit Nair talk to mixed-race couples in Dubai to find out how the partners mark Diwali festivities... when only one half is Indian

For Indians around the world, Diwali is not just the festival of lights. It's an age-old tradition that celebrates the victory of the forces of good over evil and brings with it a deep communal bond. Here in Dubai, although the celebrations may not be as over the top as they can get in India, families still celebrate Diwali with some revelry. But if you're an outsider to the whole Diwali party, how do you partake? Particularly when your spouse is of another nationality, ethnic and cultural background altogether?
We speak to mixed couples - Indians married to other nationalities - in Dubai to find out how they brought their better halves into the fold and how they have become as much a part of the festivities as their desi spouses.

Who: Arjun & Marilia
Nationalities: Indian, Brazilian
For Arjun Menon and Marilia Felisardo, Diwali is a journey of discovering the famed festival of lights, one that
they enjoy together. Married for almost two years now, Arjun hails from the southern Indian state of Kerala, and Marilia from the city of Paulínia in Sao Paulo, Brazil. The couple met when Arjun worked for a few years in Brazil.
Hailing from a South American country and culture, Marilia says she had but a vague idea of what Diwali was about. "Diwali and Holi are some of the more famous Indian festivals in my country, so we have heard of them," says Marilia. "They are popularly known for their elements of lights, fireworks and colours that are a big part of these festivals. The closest we have to these back home in Brazil are the lights and festivities with which we celebrate Christmas and New Year every year. Otherwise, Indian cultural festivals aren't that well known to Brazilians, in general, except for a few that are into yoga or other traditions and practices of the subcontinent."
The young couple, in their twenties, enjoy the trendy, cosmopolitan mix of peoples and cultures that is the UAE. "Here, we get to see and experience a mix of traditions from different cultural backgrounds in one setting," say the couple. According to Arjun, Diwali is as much a 'fresh' experience for him as it is for Marilia. "As a Keralite, Diwali isn't really celebrated by us Malayalis," he points out. [Fact: even though the festival is huge in the neighbouring state of Tamil Nadu, going by the name 'Deepavali']. "So, seeing the lighting of lamps and going over to friends' homes for Diwali dinners and sweets, has all been new for me too," says Arjun. "The first time Marilia saw diyas (small earthen wick oil lamps) lit up on balconies here in Dubai, she asked me what they were, and that's how she got to know about Diwali being celebrated here as well."
Marilia enjoys dressing up in traditional desi outfits on these occasions, but she does find Indian sweets a tad too sweet for her taste!
"I find Indian culture, in general, and Diwali, in particular, quite charming and beautiful, especially the concept of
illuminating the entire home. I would love to see the way they celebrate the festival with fireworks in India sometime," she says.

Who: Arpan & Eunice
Nationalities: Indian, Singaporean
"We are, what you can call, 'piggyback' celebrators of Diwali," laughs Arpan David. A Christian hailing from Allahabad in the north Indian state of Uttar Pradesh, Arpan says
Diwali was always a big, social occasion in his hometown. "It was one of the most awaited events of the year during our childhood, no matter what our religion was, and we celebrated heartily - and loudly, thanks to the fireworks - with family and friends," remembers Arpan, who works as a doctor in Ras Al Khaimah emirate.
For the most part of his time living in the UAE, Arpan was single, and says he never really took the effort to celebrate Diwali. But now, the newly married expat and his wife Eunice Chen, of Singaporean-Chinese heritage, are looking forward to invitations from friends.
Singapore, with its substantial Indian - particularly Tamil - population, sees big Diwali celebrations in the Indian-dominated parts of the city. "Diwali is actually a national holiday in Singapore, which is a secular country," says Eunice. "I had Indian friends, growing up, and received invitations to their homes, so the festival is not new to me at all."
Since large-scale fireworks aren't permitted in Singapore, the festivities revolved more around food than anything else. and the lights. "Little India in Singapore is brightly lit up and everyone looks forward to the events," Eunice recalls. "That way, Indian and Chinese festivals are quite similar, as the mainstay of celebrations in both cultures are about family and friends gathering together, and all the good food!"
Now, Arpan and Eunice are looking forward to rediscovering the joys of this wonderful festival all over again, in the context of their mixed marriage. "We hope we can be part of our friends' Diwali celebrations here in the UAE, just as they are a big part of our Christmas every year!" laughs Arpan. "A great part of having grown up in countries like India and Singapore is the multicultural, multi-ethnic societies we lived in, and the harmony and tolerance that is a big part of the social fabric. If we can carry that perspective outside our countries and practise it wherever we are, there's no bigger cause for celebration than that."

Who: Nalini and Roberto
Nationalities: Indian, German
"For me, Diwali is the one main festival I celebrate, with so many special childhood memories of sweets, fireworks, decorating the house with rangoli (coloured floor patterns), and, of course, family," says Nalini Dev. So when she married Berliner Roberto 15 years ago, she had to show him the Diwali ropes. "At first, he had not even heard of Diwali, and the first time we celebrated Diwali at home, he was both confused about the rituals and their meanings, and mesmerised by the fireworks in equal measure."
Today, Roberto is just as involved in the rituals as Nalini. "I especially like the diyas and the food and the sparklers! And I like that it's a family celebration, and we decorate the house together."
Family is the most important thing, says Nalini, which is why she misses Diwali celebrations back in India. "It's different here because Diwali is a time to be with family, but we don't have much family in Dubai. I look at it as a time to be grateful for the year that went by and to look forward to the year ahead." Says Roberto, "Diwali is a time for family to come together, so we try to celebrate with as many of our friends and 'Indian' family as possible."
The couple doesn't stop with Diwali either. "We celebrate Halloween, Christmas, Holi, Easter and even Eid (with
our Muslim friends), so we're very multi-cultural like that," says Nalini. "But, for me, doing the puja, setting up the diyas and lights, and decorating the floor with rangoli is special, and what I love most about the festival."

Who: Dipanker and Oksana
Nationalities: Indian, Russian
For a Russian, you could say Oksana knows more about Indian festivals than some Indians do! "In fact, she's more involved in the festivals we celebrate than I am," says Dipanker, who hails from West Bengal. "Right now, we are celebrating Durga Puja, which is the most important festival for Bengalis, and Oksana is the one who makes sure that everything goes well!" Being in Dubai means that these festive celebrations are much more subdued than back in India, but that doesn't stop this couple from making the most of their time with friends and family. "Every year, we meet at a different friend's house for Durga Puja and Diwali. We decorate the house, wear traditional clothes... Oksana loves wearing sarees, so any occasion is a good reason to wear one."
Dipanker met his wife more than a decade ago and have been married for just over 11 years. "When we first met, I don't think she knew anything about any of our festivals. To be honest, I wasn't much help either," he says, laughing. "But she was completely hands on." Oksana says that while Dipanker didn't help much, his parents, especially his mother, helped her master some of the family's favourite recipes. Other times, YouTube came to her aid. "I learnt to wear the saree from a YouTube video the first time. That was fun!"
She's also quite the homemaker, he says, cooking up Indian food that he attests is sometimes even better than his mom's food. "She loves making the sweets and lighting the diyas during Diwali, and keeps trying out different recipes from cookbooks and videos."
For Oksana, the most important festival of the year is the Russian Christmas, celebrated by Orthodox Christians, which falls on January 7 every year. "We also celebrate that at home," says Dipanker. "The only thing I feel bad about is that she has taken the time and effort to learn about my traditions, but I haven't learnt as much about hers. I hope I can do better."