Do you really want your boss as a Facebook pal?

A  colleague was recollecting about the time her then manager sent her a friend request on Facebook. It wasn't merely the discourteous manner in which he'd gone about it that had ruffled her feathers. "He was right there in the same room," she narrated. "I'd just gotten the notification and I looked up, surprised. But he simply continued staring in the opposite direction, coolly pretending like he hadn't just sent me that request." Additionally, it was that she had a fairly strict policy of keeping her work connections offline - well, off social media, at least. "He was my boss. No, I didn't want to be Facebook friends with him!" Another advertising professional, speaking on condition of anonymity, told of how she doesn't even maintain a Facebook profile anymore, because of clients who thought it was perfectly okay to send her requests on the social media platform. Understandably, in her case, that could go downhill fast - from a professional perspective - if she incurred their displeasure by declining the requests. "In advertising, a lot depends on your relationship with the client. It wouldn't be a good idea to cheese them off - even for something as silly as a friend request."
The dynamics of social media and workplace connections are as dicey as they come. Meanwhile, the lines between 'work' and 'life' are blurring fast and furiously, and it seems like there's nothing anyone can do about it - even if you're strongly not in favour of mixing 'business and pleasure'. Arguably, there are far more reasons tipping the scales against merging one's personal and professional worlds than there are for the case. Psychotherapist Anna Yates of Mind Solutions Dubai admits she has a jaundiced view of the subject, because she sees so many clients who suffer from the disastrous consequences that come with not setting clear boundaries between workplaces and private lives.  "Unfortunately, workplaces are absolute thriving grounds for rumour-mongering," she states. "It's a competitive environment and you're making yourself vulnerable by not drawing those lines. Invariably, someone will get hurt." She, too, has often had to deal with clients trying to befriend her on social media. "It's a total breach of a client-therapist relationship. But it's up to me to make that clear."
Dubai-based software developer Ali (name changed) recalls how someone he knew once got fired from his job - all thanks to social media. "The guy had called in sick, but then his boss saw him tagged on Facebook in a bunch of places, having a good time - and sacked him," says the 23-year-old, noting it was an unfortunate incident that may have been avoided, had the two not been 'friends' in the first place - even though it was an ethical breach on the part of the employee.
Personally, Ali only has two or three workmates in his online social sphere - and that's because they've become more friends than colleagues, people he hangs out with even on the weekends. So, how does he circumnavigate awkward situations, when he gets added by folks he'd rather not get too friendly with? "Simple - I add them but use the 'limited profile' option, which restricts what they can see of my posts," he says. Talk about a win-win.
As an account director for HK Strategies with three employees reporting to her, Siobhan Graham says she's had this conversation about delicate workplace balances many times before. While many don't mind adding their own peers, it's a whole different ball game when it comes to accepting a senior's friend request. For her part, she describes herself as being "quite open" and not averse to befriending subordinates - or bosses - online. "I don't actively search for people, but if I come across the profile of someone I know - thanks to Facebook's algorithms - sure, I'll shoot a quick request. I'm that person," she laughs, sportingly.
The friendly 30-year-old has a fairly grounded logic to her approach: "The way I use social media plays a big part in why I don't mind colleagues seeing my online activity. I don't post anything controversial or overly personal - it's definitely not the place I'd voice any frustrations with work." She wouldn't be offended if people didn't accept her requests either. "I appreciate that not everyone feels the same way. The thing is: it's difficult to come into the professional environment today and not create personal connections. You spend more time at the workplace than you do with some of your friends, so it's very natural to build relationships with people that then translate into online connections. And in a collaborative environment, where everyone is working towards the same goals - whether it's running a successful campaign for clients, or helping to develop someone's career - I don't think it's necessary to maintain those traditional, formal roles between bosses and employees. You just have to be clever about what you share online."
The jury seems to be out on this one, so we'll be declining any requests for a verdict - but here are some personal takes!

WDYT: Is it a good idea to include colleagues on your personal social networks?

YES!
I consider myself a bit of a loose cannon when it comes to being "discerning" about who all I want to befriend. My thumb rule is: if a person is unknown to me but shares more than 10 "mutual friends", well, then, he/she is in. Going by that logic, folks at the workplace, even ones who I don't work with "closely", are par for the course.
For one, I'm not a social media animal. I'm on Facebook and Twitter, but I don't live my life on them. My Twitter account is almost somnolent; Facebook, on the other hand, is alive and kicking, but there's never anything intensely personal on it.
So, yes, I have had no qualms about sending Facebook friend requests to my super-boss - or my juniors. I have no idea if my super-boss rolled his/her eyes at my audacity to try and befriend him/her or if my juniors went into a flap - but nobody from the workplace has, till date, turned me down (there have been a couple of cases of "unfriendings" and "blockings" - but believe me when I say the world is a complicated place).
That apart, The Office has yielded some of my best friends. At times unlikely ones. Predating Facebook. Which is my way of saying that "workplace" or "office" shouldn't be shuttered from forming meaningful relationships.
Plus, I find social media effective at times. It's a good place to harbour work contacts - in case all forms of communication are down, it may be a good platform to send out a message.
Have I ever not accepted a colleague's proferring the hand of virtual friendship? Nope. I think it's in bad form; if you can work with them, and spend the better part of the workweek in a common space with them, what's so exalted about Facebook or Instagram (I'm not on Instagram, but if I were, I'd have thought along exact same lines) that they can't be in my circle of friends? So, yes, at times, I've been surprised by "so-and-so" sending me a request ("I'd never have thought he/she wants to be 'friends' with me"), but I've accepted anyhow. It's a nice feeling to bump into him/her near the water filter and exchange a private smile - because now we have a connection. We're friends. Thank God for Zuckerberg. The ice has been broken.
Do I ever fear my colleagues may find out aspects of my life that they shouldn't? Not really; I'd never put "out" anything I'm uncomfortable with the rest of the world knowing.
I remember, once, a colleague - and a very dear friend - posting a "relaxed" photo of mine on Facebook; she had clicked it while we were both at a work event. Later, I was told by one of my then super bosses that "everyone" at work (he meant those somewhat tenuous connections I had formed) would now feel I was actually "having a good time" instead of working. "But I wasn't actually having a good time,  I was there on work and somehow managed to appear relaxed. And, oh, that was a glass of OJ in my hand!" We had a friendly banter about the dangers of "everyone" being in the same loop (in this case, Facebook), then moved on to something similarly inane.
In my books, Facebook - and, by extension, social media - is supposed to be fun; I don't take it seriously, so who cares if my colleagues "discover" I'm having a cappuccino with a heart-shaped blob coffee art?
- Sushmita Bose

NO!
Sounds harsh, I know. And, to be honest, my answer to that question would be more accurately summed up by a prolonged 'Hngggh' - you know, that sound you make when you would REALLY rather not.
It's been a bit of a running joke at work: how anti-social I can be about social media. You see, I tend to screen friend requests with. my gut. I've been known to keep colleagues' requests pending for up to (cough) a year or two - although not entirely unabashedly, because who am I kidding? It is a bit weird! Yet, honestly, it's nothing personal. I can appreciate why the other party might not see it the same way, but that's just it: if there's nothing personal about my connection with you, I'm most probably not going to be very inclined to add you on social media, which, incidentally, to me, is a very personal space.
The point is: I'm friendly with my peers, and when I stop to chat or ask how you are, it's not in a flaky, don't-care-about-the-answers, this-is-just-for-formality sort of way. But if I don't know you well enough, I'm going to be naturally wary of whether you should see what I share, or 'Like' those baby pics my sister tagged me in. Not because I'm posting state secrets or nuclear codes - but because when I err, I do so on the side of caution. Better to endure a few awkward moments than scramble for damage control.
As with all rules, exceptions are to be expected. It was at work that I met my 'soul sister' - our professional acquaintance must have lasted less than nine months before she moved on - but we shared such a fantastic rapport in that time that I accepted her friend request in a heartbeat. No second thoughts. No mulling it over. Probably only stopped short of laying out a virtual welcome mat for her before ushering her into my digital space. It's almost nine years since. Have I ever added a boss? Sure - the one that was more friend than superior. Zero regrets there too.
For the record, I was overjoyed when Facebook announced its 'Workplace' edition. Unfortunately, that little initiative doesn't seem to have taken the world by storm as much as its predecessor did (no exaggeration when you consider the latter now boasts two billion monthly users!). Had it met with success, I would've happily added all and sundry, without discrimination. It would've been a great way to keep work and life separate. (The twain should ideally not meet. You know, for sanity's sake.) Alas, till the corporate version finds more takers, I'll continue to sit on this side of the fence, politely directing folks to LinkedIn.
It's not a policy that's always gone down very well. I've had people stride over to my desk and make me log in and accept their request in front of them (yes, that was a bit alarming - and extreme - though I said nothing of the sort at the time and chose only to meekly consent). But perhaps my anti-social social media views were most vindicated recently, when I heard a particularly outrageous story of how someone had managed to fool an entire organisation into believing they were someone they were not. I couldn't help but wonder about the person's colleagues, who never suspected a thing before it was too late and were, no doubt, left gobsmacked in the wake of said person's trickery. Clearly, you could sit next to someone for years and not know anything about them. I've said it before, I'll say it again: it's unpleasant business 'unfriending' someone.
- Karen Ann Monsy
karen@khaleejtimes.com