How to conduct oneself in a relationship
Published: Fri 10 Apr 2020, 12:00 PM
Last updated: Fri 10 Apr 2020, 2:43 PM
You are in love! Your loved ones are thrilled to know that you finally found the one. The future looks bright and hopeful. You are looking forward to your elegant wedding and the happiness of family and friends. In today's generation, for a harmonious relationship and marriage requires huge doses of the "three C's" - consideration, communication & compromise.
Think about our parents or our grand parent's marriage. The ones that lasted forever. We of course attempt for the same when we say the promising " I do"! But do we have the patience, determination and the ability to compromise keeping our partner's happiness and our marriage being the focus? Do we prioritize our own convenience or willing to give in? We are not soloist, we don't live our life by the means of I, me, myself basis. With us comes with our family and people we love and our spouse.
This column focuses on that major decision and initial steps you can consider before jumping the broom. While there will be many more decisions to come, start by prioritizing the top 3 principles.
Consideration: Once you are done enjoying your footloose and fancy-free life and If you are in a process of choosing a partner for marriage, consider your values, upbringing and most importantly your vision for life.
Do you both have similar dreams and aspirations?
Do you both want the same life?
Do you both want children?
Do you have a similar taste in food or even the Ac temperature that you both are comfortable with? Your overall compatibility.
Sounds funny and cliche but it's so pragmatic! The enigma will wear off as will the novelty in due course.
The optimistic thoughts of " it will all fall in place with time" is not a wise idea for today's generation. Try to be as sure as possible at least before leaving the rest to the divine miracle. For example: if you are a hopeless romantic and your partner is romantically hopeless then you have a problem there. It is also important that you don't let visual attraction rule your mind and heart. It's easy to be enamored and infatuated with a charming member of the opposite sex. Avoid making permanent decisions over temporary emotions. Consider your partner's other qualities that you treasure considering the future that you both aspire for.
Communication: To quote Rumi: When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.
It is important you communicate honestly, compassionately and keeping your spouse's feelings, pride and respect in mind. Couples who communicate honestly about even the smallest matters and are willing to make compromises without the feeling of pride, hostility or ego will usually find their relationship to be a smooth and loving one. Another important part of communication is the art of apologizing. Apologies don't make you look vulnerable or weak it shows your grace and your commitment towards the prospects of significant change in behavior if need be.
Materialistic offerings or a romantic gesture is not a substitute for a verbal, sincere, face to face apologies.
Compromise: In today's world being patient and prioritizing your spouse over other matters and conveniences is a rare virtue. The key is to give in, I am not saying be a doormat, but know that showing that you care and your partner is your priority at times over other social commitments. The effort you make truly will be appreciated.
Kind gesture with simple demonstrations of love is a traditional, time tested method for a happily ever after. Love is always worth pursuing, to share my two pennies worth, it's always easy to give up on a relationship or marriage. How you work through it by keeping the 3 C's is artfully challenging but indeed worth it. I would always recommend not to give up unless push comes to shove. Let us always take the traditional, longer and more challenging route for a stable and committed marriage.
By konkana bakshi, founder, savoir faire academy and former miss elegance