Why you should never stop falling in love with yourself

In today's day and age, is self-love important? More than you can imagine, suggests Nada Harb, founder of the wellness centre Elevated Vibrations. In a chat with WKND, the energy coach tells us how self-love can change lives by changing the way one looks at the world... and why it is not to be mistaken for narcissism or selfishness.

Nada Harb

What is self-love? And how does one ensure that it is contained suitably so that it does not venture into the realm of vanity?
Self-love is having full regard for self-fulfillment, happiness, appreciation, respect, development, growth, and having the ability to address all personal desires in life. Being true to your heart, and having the ability to forgive oneself and others effortlessly. Self-love is knowing you are the universe.
There's a thin line between self-love and vanity; it's the same thin line that separates pride from arrogance. Self-love encompasses compassion and humility, which is the opposite of vanity.

All great schools of thought propagate that you should always put others ahead of yourself. Your thoughts? Should we love ourselves the most?
It is the most rewarding feeling to be of service to others; however, a person can only be of service to others when they have something to give - in the same sense, you can only fill a tea cup from a kettle that has tea to pour. A person's sense of fulfillment is naturally energised with self-love. So yes, we are to love ourselves the most; the more we love ourselves, the more we love others.

How does one differentiate between self-love and narcissism, and self-love and selfishness?
We all thrive on love; a person is at his or her best - emotionally, mentally and physically - when he or she is in love because of the hormones released in the body. When we "fall in love" with ourselves, we rise in inner values and integrity, which, in turn, allows us to connect with others, be supportive, be of service, collaborate, unify and live with a sense of community. Narcissism, on the other hand, is an inflamed sense of value that has lack of self-love at its core. Self-love is an expanded emotion whereas narcissism is a contracted emotion, which is similar to selfishness because the latter would mean being greedy and inconsiderate - as opposed to self-prioritising.

What are the main symptoms of those suffering from a lack of self love?
Resentment, anger, regrets, judgements, criticism, grudges, guilt, shame and blame reflect lack of self-love (even if they're directed elsewhere); but these can be changed to emotions of blissfulness, happiness, acceptance, forgiveness, joy, liberty and value with awareness and alignment.
How does one "learn" self-love? For instance, a person who's lived the better part of his/her life feeling he/she is unworthy, how can he/she suddenly make this paradigm shift?
One of my favourite quotes by Rumi is "You are not here to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it." Self-love isn't learnt, it's returned to, as it's always within us. Self-awareness is key to unveiling all false barriers within ourselves. Daily meditation and conscious breathing is a great way to start as all the answers appear when the mind is still.

How can somebody with less self-love learn to love himself/herself?
There are as many tips and daily tools; as I mentioned earlier, meditation is key and it can be used to channelise inner courage, forgiveness, motivation, sorrow, etc. Affirmations are beneficial too. Other tools include conscious breathing, being aware of the patterns that hold one back in life and changing them, self-nourishment with healthy food, spending time alone and befriending yourself, making a list of what's working and what can be let go of, decluttering space, exercise and spiritual growth - are all great places to start.

Three well-known figures who, according to you, possess self-love ( as indicated through body language, cues, communication, personal lives, etc)?
People with self-love have common body attributes: an integrated and balanced nervous system, joy and compassion in their hearts, laughter on their faces, and peace and success in their personal lives. There are many figures that portray this. Personally, I enjoy listening to Mooji, Matt Kahn and to children - they are filled with so much self-love and purity, it's incredible.

Are we all worthy of self-love? Say, I'm a really terrible person: why would anyone want me to love myself?
Of course, we are all worthy of self-love. We are made of love and deserve to tap into our original essence. What makes people "terrible" or do "terrible things" is actually lack of self-love and they probably need more love, just like an angry person would need to meditate more than a calm person.

What happens when there is excessive self-love? Does self-love need a cap or a boundary? If so, how does one recognise the signs of excessive self-love?
That would be amazing actually - excess self-love. I believe that if everybody truly loved themselves, there would actually be world peace. So if there's excess self-love, then bring it on!
- Staff Reporter
wknd@khaleejtimes.com
(For more info, log on to www.elevateurvibration.com)